Bleach: Hidden Camera
by Storm Alert
Summary: Yachiru hires a camera crew and an interviewer to peek into the lives of different figures of the Seireitei. They set up hidden cameras in their victims houses, and watch what they are truly like when they are alone. Rated T for suggestive content
1. Byakuya Kuchiki

**This is a series of oneshots about the inner lives of the different remarkable figures of the Seireitei, in the form of a T.V show by Yachiru called Hidden Camera.**

**I apologize for all of the O.O.C around Byakuya's character... it's really hard to write about him staying in character!**

**I think I did pretty good with the other characters...**

**If I owned Bleach, Hisana would still be alive. And Byakuya would smile more, because he's so hot when he smiles.**

* * *

><p><strong>Bleach: Hidden Camera<strong>

_Byakuya Kuchiki_

"Bya-chan!" A little pink haired bundle of fun crashed into the black haired man from behind. It was Yachiru, flanked by a woman and two cameramen. Byakuya turned, and gave Yachiru his best 'you do not amuse me pitiful one' stare. "You have been chosen to star on the very first episode of Hidden Camera." Byakuya pushed the little girl off of him, and tried to keep on walking, but Yachiru refastened herself to his neck. "Isn't it such an honour? What do you have to say?"

"Go away." Byakuya pushed Yachiru off of him again. This time, he used his 'if you don't stop I'm going to go Bankai on you, and then you're going to be sorry' look.

"You can't refuse Bya-chan!" Yachiru continued, hanging herself off of Byakuya's shoulder like she often did to Kenpachi Zaraki. "I got a signed order from Gramps that you had to do this!" she waved a piece of paper under Byakuya's nose so fast that he couldn't make out whether it really had Head Captain Yamamoto's signature on it, or if she was just telling him that. Byakuya shook the little girl off of his back for the last time, and kept walking, the two cameramen and the tall woman following him.

"So Byakuya, where're we going next?" the woman asked, jogging to keep up with him, despite the fact that she was taller than him.

"Please address me with more respect," Byakuya informed her icily.

"Yeah, yeah, let's not bother with formalities," the woman waved a hand. "We're going to be together all day after all!" A flicker of surprise and annoyance crossed Byakuya's normally expressionless face, but it was gone so fast that one could argue that it had never been there. "I'm Komara Seru- but you can call me Seru!" the woman grinned happily at Byakuya. "That's Gaichu Maneru, and Tsugi no Maneru."

"It's a pleasure-" Gaichu began

"To meet you." Tsugi no Maneru finished for him.

"They're twins!"

Byakuya resisted the urge to hit himself over the head with the files that he was carrying. He could tell that it was going to be a very long week.

When he reached the Squad Six barracks, Renji wasn't there, but he had expected that. Renji was always late on Monday mornings. Byakuya had a feeling that it had to do with the frequent drinking parties that Captain Kyoraku held on the weekends. He had learned to deal with this, as Renji was a better Vice Captain than Ginjiro Shirogane, the soul reaper who had been the former Vice Captain of Squad Six. Thankfully, the man had quit his job for his sunglasses shop, which had grown quite popular. Unfortunately, Ginjiro seemed to think that Byakuya actually wanted some of the glasses that he sold, and kept on sending him glasses, no matter how many times Byakuya rejected them.

With Seru and the twins watching him intently, Byakuya sat down at his desk, and began to work on his large pile of paperwork. Every so often Seru would heave an enormous sigh, and occasionally she rolled her eyes. Finally she sat on his desk and leaned forwards so that she cast a shadow over his paperwork. "Get off." Byakuya deadpanned, but the look that he gave her was far from emotionless. He wanted her off of his desk, and he wanted her off now.

Just then, Renji walked in, holding his head and groaning softly. The moment he saw Seru sitting on Byakuya's desk he stopped abruptly and quickly began to back out. Byakuya held up a hand to stop him.

"Renji," he said, looking around Seru at his Vice Captain. "Get this woman off of my desk."

Renji winced, stopped, and stared at his captain. "How?"

"I don't care, just _get her off_!"

"Yessir!" Renji stared at Seru, his forehead creased in a frown. He sat down at his own desk, still watching Seru. "I would suggest that you get off of the Captain's desk," he told her. "He gets cranky when people invade his personal bubble." Seru giggled. "If you need to sit on something you can sit on my desk," he offered. Seru appeared to think about it for a bit, before she hopped off of Byakuya's desk and perched on the edge of Renji's desk.

"So what are you doing here anyways?" Renji asked, looking at the paperwork on his desk disinterestedly.

"We're from the Seireitei's new T.V show, Hidden Cameras!" Seru replied enthusiastically. "It's a T.V show where we follow different key members of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads around for a week to show what they do, and even interview them! Byakuya is our first interviewee! Although," she continued thoughtfully, "he's being quite boring right now."

"Wait until you annoy him," Renji told her. "Then you'll _miss_ boring."

"Renji, work."

"Yessir."

The office was silent, and then Seru turned to Byakuya.

"How about we start the interview now?" she asked excitedly.

"I'm busy," Byakuya replied.

"Alright, let's start the interview!" Seru ran out of the room and came back carrying a chair that she had presumably stolen from one of the other desks in the barracks. She sat across from Byakuya at his desk, and clasped her hands together.

"First Question! What's your favourite colour?"

"I don't have one." Byakuya didn't look up from his paperwork, while Renji watched, entranced, from his desk.

"Second Question! Why do you wear curlers in your hair?"

"Curlers?" Byakuya sounded almost confused.

"You know, those white tubey things!"

"My kenseikan?" Byakuya asked. "They are _not_curlers. They are a symbol of my position as head of the Kuchiki family."

"They're curlers," Seru informed him. Byakuya opened his mouth, presumably to give her a lecture about the kenseikan, but she pushed on. "Third Question! Why don't you ever show any emotion?"

"It is my duty, as the head of the Kuchiki family, to remain calm and composed at all times." As though to prove how calm and composed he was, Byakuya took a sip of his tea.

"Fourth Question," Seru said, rather quickly. "Were you really in love with Hisana?" Byakuya choked on his tea, and, coughing stared at Seru.

"What type of question is that!" He asked when he could breathe again.

"Answer it."

"I married her, didn't I?" Byakuya told her, going back to his paperwork.

"Yes you did. So, were you really in love with her?"

"Why would I marry her if I weren't?" Byakuya sounded slightly exasperated. "Of course I loved her."

"Oh good. A lot of people were worried. Fifth Question! Do you love Rukia?"

"Next question."

"So you _do_ love her!"

"Next question."

"Oh, come on, it's just a simple yes or no question. Definitely not as bad as the questions that are to come." Seru grinned wickedly.

"If I say yes will you go away?"

"No, but thanks for answering! Sixth Question! What do you think of Renji?" Renji stiffened and stared at Byakuya expectantly.

"He's a good Vice Captain."

"Yes!" Renji jumped up from his desk and did a weird sort of dance, before running out of the room shouting, "did you hear that? Byakuya said that I was a good Vice Captain! Boo-ya! Take that Rangiku!"

"Except for when he does that," Byakuya finished.

"Oh, I don't know, I thought that was cute. Anyways, Seventh Question. Did you know how many fanfics there are about you doing… mature things with Rukia, Renji, and sometimes even Ichigo. Not usually all at once though…" Seru thought for a moment, "How would that work? All of them at once?"

"Fanfics?" Byakuya asked blankly, and then added, "Mature things?"

"Fanfiction is when people write stories based on people in books and movies and T.V shows and stuff like that. By mature things I meant… sex."

"With Renji!" Byakuya paled slightly, before appearing to get himself under control. "What about it?"

"Hey, I'm the one asking the questions on this show! I just wondered is all. Eighth Question. What do you think about the fanfics?"

"I've never read one."

"Oh. Okay. Some of them are really funny you know. There was this one, and I liked it a lot-"

"Next question."

"Right. Ninth Question. Are you a virgin?"

"Next question."

"So you _are_!"

"Next question."

"Ha, I knew it!"

"I was married."

"So you aren't a virgin?"

"Next question."

"You're no fun. Tenth Ques- hey I've got candy! Would you like some candy?" Seru triumphantly pulled some candy out of her pocket.

"No."

"Fine. Tenth Question. What's your favourite food?"

"I like spicy things." Seru started laughing. "What, I do!" Seru nearly fell off of her chair. Byakuya stared at her for a few seconds, before going back to his work with a mental shrug.

"C-cut," Seru stuttered, and the Maneru brothers obeyed. Byakuya ignored Seru for the rest of the day, refusing to show anything, even when she randomly burst into laughter while muttering something that sounded like 'spicy things! Oh, that's too good!'

Finally the day was over, and Seru and the Maneru brothers followed Byakuya out.

"See you around Byakuya-chan," Seru called, waving. "This was fun."

"In what world?" Byakuya muttered, glaring at the tall woman's retreating back.

"So did you set up the hidden cameras?" Seru asked Yachiru.

"Yep, there's one in every room in his mansion!" Yachiru informed her. "I made sure."

"Oh good." Seru grinned. "I'm looking forwards to this." She opened the door to a secluded room in the Eleventh Squad Barracks. Third Seat Ikkaku Madarame and Fifth Seat Yumichika Aysegawa were already there waiting for them. "Alright," Seru announced. "Let's get this party started.

Screens all around the room showed every room in the Kuchiki Manor, and all six of them waited expectantly for Byakuya to enter. They didn't have to wait long.

The door at the main entrance slammed open, and Byakuya entered, obviously in a foul mood. He shut and locked the door, before leaning against it, seemingly relieved about something.

"He's probably happy he got rid of us," Seru commented. "Now let's see Captain Kuchiki, whether you are so calm and composed when you are within your own home." Byakuya pushed off of the door and walked to another room. This room appeared to be a main room, complete with a nice couch, and a potted plant. Byakuya sprawled out on the couch, lay there for a moment, before getting up again and going to his bedroom. There he changed into a pair of loose fitting pants, and walked back into the main room, shirtless. Seru stared. "Wow… The females of the Seireitei are going to love this. I love this!" She leaned closer to the screen, examining Byakuya's bare chest with a fascination that was slightly creepy. Byakuya lay on the couch, unaware of the stalker like people watching every moment of it.

After a while, he got up again, and went into the kitchen. There he grabbed a bag of Oreos and went back to the couch, where he sat, leaning back, and quietly eating his Oreos. He ate them the traditional way, carefully separating the two halves with thin, agile fingers, licking the icing off, and then eating the cookies. Seru shivered. "Wow," she murmured.

"Are you going to say that all night?" Ikkaku asked, sounding annoyed.

"Maybe," she said distractedly.

"He eats his cookies so unbeautifully," Yumichika complained with a toss of his head.

"I like it," Seru told him. "Shh…"

"He's not even saying anything!"

"Shh…"

Byakuya finished his Oreos, put the bag aside, and picked up a book.

"This is _boring_," Yachiru complained. "He's not doing anything."

"He might," Ikkaku told her. "That's why we're watching, remember. Anyways, this was your stupid idea, tough it out with us- oww, that's my head! Stop biting my head! Ouch!"

"Are they always this noisy?" Seru asked Yumichika.

"Yes," Yumichika replied. "It is so not beautiful."

"Oh, hey, something's happening! He's smiling! Look at this, Byakuya's smiling!" Yachiru detached herself from Ikkaku's shiny bald head to come look. Ikkaku followed more slowly, rubbing the teeth marks that were firmly embedded in his skull.

Byakuya was indeed smiling. The smile faded, and he continued reading, his unknown observers watching with baited breath. Suddenly, he burst out laughing, doubling over on the couch.

"Wow! He's laughing! Byakuya Kuchiki is actually laughing! Wow! I mean, wow!"

"Could you stop saying that?"

"Make me baldy."

"You didn't-" whatever Ikkaku was about to say was cut short when Yumichika grabbed in a headlock, keeping him from attacking Seru.

Byakuya, unbeknownst to the drama unfolding on the other side of the cameras, continued to read, occasionally chuckling at whatever was written in the book. A soft mewing sound appeared to draw his attention, and he put his book down. He bent down and picked up a small tabby cat with a torn left ear. It meowed at him, and Byakuya smiled back.

"Hello Kichi," he murmured, gently scratching behind the cat's ears. Kichi purred at him.

"Those cameras have good sound," Ikkaku said.

"Shh!" Seru commanded.

Byakuya gently set Kichi on his lap, and the cat stared up at him, as though asking him to tell about his day. "Some insane evil woman followed me around today," he informed the cat. "She kept asking me questions, and she _laughed_ at me!"

"Meow," said Kichi.

"She asked me if I really loved Hisana. Of course I loved Hisana, I _married _her!" He sighed, looking suddenly sad. "I miss her so much Kichi."

"Meow?"

"I wish that she were here…" he trailed off, and his tense watchers saw the unmistakeable glimmer of tears in his eyes. "At least I could talk to somebody who actually listens."

"Awww!" Seru said. "I'll listen Bya-chan!"

"Shh!" Everybody else hushed her.

"Meow!"

"I know that _you_ listen, but you can't answer."

"Meow. Meow!"

"Nobody else listens. All that they see is the title, not the person. Besides, if I were to speak with them, where would the honour of the Kuchiki Family go? I despise being a noble."

"Meow." Kichi rubbed her face against one of Byakuya's slim hands.

"Oh well." Man and cat sat together quietly for a bit, before Byakuya yawned and stretched. "Time for bed Kichi."

"Meow!" Kichi jumped off of Byakuya's lap, and ran out the door. On the other screens the group watched it run into Byakuya's bedroom, and curl up on the pillow. Byakuya stood up slowly, before looking directly at the camera and grinning. Muttering something that the camera's excellent sound system couldn't quite catch, he looked away, and started towards the door. Suddenly he turned a no hands cartwheel, landed neatly and did a back flip before heading out the door, and into his bedroom. There he crawled under the covers, headfirst so that his bare feet rested on the pillow and his head was down at the other baseboard section of the bed, and went to sleep. Kichi draped itself over his feet.

"Wow. So even the great Byakuya Kuchiki has some really weird quirks. That was… unexpected."

Back at the mansion, Byakuya sneezed, his eyes flickering open uneasily to stare at the sheets of his bed. Why did he suddenly feel so weird?

* * *

><p><strong>Lol... that's it. Sorry if it wasn't any good.<strong>

**I'm doing Soi Fon next, so you can send me questions that you want Seru to ask her... or don't if you think it sucked...**

**Review, but don't be mean! I'm a very sensitive person. I'm open to constructive criticisim, but flaming is not cool. If you don't like it, don't read it.**

**I apologize again for all of the O.O.C around Byakuya... I try...**

**And I know that Byakuya would _never_ eat Oreos because he hates sweet things, but I had to include that... I mean, imagine Byakuya licking the icing off of Oreos... Like Seru said... Wow.**


	2. Soi Fon

**Yay! All of the reviews made me so happy! Review this one too please!**

**So this one is about Soi Fon- as is obvious from the title... **

**If I owned Bleach, Soi Fon's Bankai would be better. I mean honestly... I love the woman, but a Bankai that can only be used once every three days is pretty pathetic. Besides, a long range Bankai doesn't fit with her character. Oh well... I don't own Bleach, so Soi Fon's Bankai will stay as it is.**

* * *

><p><strong>Soi Fon<strong>

Day

Soi Fon, the Captain of Second Division, and Commander of the Stealth Force, strode purposefully down the street. Her Vice Captain, Omaeda, trudged along behind her, crunching on cookies and spilling crumbs on her hair. A small frown creased her thin face, as it always did, for various reasons. One was that Omaeda was getting crumbs in her hair, which she hated; another was that Yoruichi had gone back to the real world, and, maybe the most annoying of all, that Yachiru and some other people were following her. And they had cameras! Thin hands clenched into fists by the small woman's sides. She _hated_ cameras, and she wasn't sure why Yachiru was filming her. A couple more turns down the maze like corridors of the Seireitei towards the Squad Two Barracks, and Soi Fon had decided that she had had enough.

Suddenly she stopped and whirled around, the two white braids that hung down beneath the rest of her short, black hair whipping around, the golden rings attached to the bottom gleaming dramatically in the sun.

"Uh, oh," Yachiru said, clapping both hands together. "Soi Fon looks mad!" Omaeda hurried to get behind his captain again, because he knew that she would kill him if he stood in front of her.

"Why are you following me?" the ice in Soi Fon's voice was colder Captain Hitsugaya's zanpaku-to in its Bankai form.

"You're today's star on the Seireitei's new show, Hidden Camera! How do you feel about this honour?" Soi Fon was rendered speechless momentarily, before rage flashed in the depths of her deep green eyes.

"Go away and leave me alone."

"That's weird, Bya-chan said the same thing!" Yachiru thought about it. "You two are really alike!"

"Go. Away." Soi Fon started to turn away, but Yachiru leapt from the ground and wrapped both arms around the small woman's neck.

"You can't refuse! Old Man Yama said you had to!" Yachiru used the same trick that she had used on Byakuya, waving a slip of paper in front of Soi Fon's eyes.

"Anyways, that's the show host, Seru," a tall thin woman gave Soi Fon a bright smile and a wave. "And the cameramen are Gaichu Maneru, and Tsugi no Maneru." The two cameramen nodded to Soi Fon. "They're twins," she added, just in case Soi Fon was stupid and hadn't already figured it out. Yachiru jumped off of Soi Fon's shoulders. "Have fun!"

Without sparing the pink haired menace another glance Soi Fon turned away and started walking again, Omaeda running around behind her again. Seru and the Maneru brothers followed her.

"So, where are we going today?" Seru asked. Soi Fon ignored her, but Omaeda took the liberty of answering.

"We're going to the Squad Two Barracks," he informed her. "The greatest place in the Seireitei to work, thanks to me of course." Soi Fon rolled her eyes.

"Really," Seru raised her eyebrows. "And why is that?"

"You'll find out." Omaeda said. "We're almost there."

A street later, and the five of them walked into the barracks, the doors sliding open automatically when they approached. Soi Fon sat down at her desk immediately, but Seru paused to admire the heated floors.

"Nice," she murmured. "I wish _my_ office had heated floors." She glanced over at the doors. "And automatic doors too."

"Everybody does," Omaeda told her. "We're thinking of putting in open air spas too! Of course, my family paid for all of the renovations to be done."

"Omaeda," Soi Fon said, barely glancing up from the paperwork in front of her.

"Yeah?"

"Deliver these to the Squad Four Captain Unohana immediately." She ordered, holding out a stack of papers. "They're about the recent amount of Stealth Force members who have been hospitalized. Wait there to see if she has any reply before you return."

"Yes Captain." Omaeda took the paper from her, and left, the doors silently sliding open in front of him, and shut just as quietly when he had passed through.

"So, Soi Fon," Seru, perched herself on the edge of the Captain's desk. "How are you doing?" Soi Fon glared at Seru, and then lifted the edge of the desk so that Seru tumbled off. By some miracle of fate, the papers on the desk stayed put.

"Ouch," Seru complained, standing up and dusting herself off. "That wasn't very nice!"

"I'm not a nice person."

"I bet that if Yoruichi were to sit on your desk, you wouldn't push her off."

"That's different."

"How so?"

"Miss Yoruichi is elegant, beautiful, calm, and dignified, whereas you," Soi Fon glared at Seru, "are not."

Seru winced. "That wasn't nice either. Anyways, how about we get into the interview portion of this now?" She dragged over a chair so that she was sitting across from Soi Fon.

"Interview?"

"Yeah, it's part of the show. Anyways, First Question. Did you know that there's a Soi Fon fan club?"

"That's ridiculous- next question!"

"There is though."

"Next question."

"Second question! How do you feel about Yoruichi staying with Urahara in the human world?"

"That no good scum…" Soi Fon scowled. "He is not good enough for her very presence. Urahara is lower than the dust on Miss Yoruichi's shoes."

"I've heard that you think everybody is lower than the dust on Yoruichi's shoes."

"Urahara's even lower than them." Soi Fon's eyes narrowed. "Please refer to Miss Yoruichi with respect. Call her Lady Yoruichi, or Yoruichi-sama."

"I'll call her what I want to- ack, no please don't, ow, that really hurts, ouch stop it!" Soi Fon sat back down at her desk with a dignified air about her, while Seru dragged herself up off of the ground. Bruises were starting to form over her face, neck, arms, and probably other areas that were not visible at the moment. "I'll call her Lady Yoruichi," Seru mumbled. "So," she brightened up a bit. "Third Question. Do you have any romantic feelings for Urahara?" Her smile faltered when Soi Fon's eyes narrowed. "No, no don't beat me up again, I'm sorry, ack, ouch, ouch, owie!" Soi Fon kicked the woman hard in the ribs for good measure, before sitting back down at her desk. "Kicking a woman while she's down," Seru said, mumbling because of the swelling around her mouth. "That's low."

"But necessary," Soi Fon replied.

"Fourth Question. Why exactly are there heated floors in every room?" Soi Fon gave her a 'you should _know_ this' stare.

"They're so that it is more comfortable for Miss Yoruichi when she visits here in her cat form." Soi Fon replied.

"Ah… I should have known. It's all about Yoruichi isn't it?"

"It's Yoruichi-sama to you!" Soi Fon screamed, getting up and kicking the crap out of Seru again.

"Damn it woman! You're scary!"

"Of course. I'm of the Fon family after all."

"Fifth Question." Seru no longer seemed so happy. "What's your favourite food?"

"Fish." Soi Fon replied.

"Finally, a straight answer. Sixth Question. What's your favourite colour?"

"Amber, like Miss Yoruichi's beautiful eyes." Soi Fon looked a bit dreamy, probably imagining Yoruich's eyes.

"What is with your obsession with this Yoruichi woman?" Seru realized a moment too late that that was probably the wrong thing to say.

"Sting all enemies to death, Suzumebachi!"

Omaeda arrived just in time to prevent Soi Fon from killing Seru. Seru wouldn't go near the other woman for the rest of the day, and it came as a relief to her when the day was over, and she could leave. Soi Fon was also relieved. Omaeda had stopped her from killing both that annoying woman, and her creepy followers, who had had their cameras on _the whole time_. She had managed to break one of the cameras though, when Seru said something about the Soi Fon Fan Club loving that shot. She hadn't managed to break both though, as Omaeda wouldn't let her. At the end of the day, Soi Fon stormed out of the barracks. Seru hung back to talk to Omaeda, probably not wanting to go anywhere near Soi Fon. Finally she left, with the Maneru brothers lugging the camera stuff with them.

Night

When Seru stumbled into their secret room, everybody else was already there. Yachiru, Ikkaku and Yumichika stared at her for a moment, before Ikkaku said, "I told you it was a bad idea to interview Captain Soi Fon."

"Shut up," Seru snapped grumpily, dropping into one of the remaining chairs. "This had better be worth it."

"Maybe she'll strip," Ikkaku said hopefully.

"Shut up you perv!"

"Hey, you were the one who sat there wowing at Byakuya when he was shirtless!"

"Yeah, just shirtless. Not naked!"

"Shut up you two," Yumichika hushed them. "The cameras are turning on." Six mouths dropped open as the screens flickered and images appeared.

"Wow…" Ikkaku finally managed.

"Yeah," Yumichika agreed.

"Does anybody have candy?" Yachiru asked. She hadn't seen the screens yet, as she had been preoccupied drawing a picture of Kenpachi on the floor.

"Yeah, here," Seru tossed her some distractedly. "That's going a bit far," she said eventually.

"What's going a bit far?" Yachiru jumped up in between them, and stared around at the screens. "Oh… that's really weird."

"Yeah…"

"Wow…"

"That is _a lot_ of Yoruichi stuff."

"Yeah…"

"That's just… obsessed."

"Really obsessed."

"You know, I think that the Yoruichi wall hanging is a bit too much." Seru commented.

"I think it all is too much," Ikkaku informed her. "Especially the huge pile of Yoruichi plushies."

"I thought she just collected cat stuff. Where'd she get the ones with the human Yoruichi?"

"I don't think I want to know."

"This obsession is so unbeautiful," Yumichika sniffed.

"You think almost everything is unbeautiful." Ikkaku pointed out.

"That's because it usually is."

"Shut up you two, the psychopathic maniac is entering." The room went silent as Soi Fon walked into her living quarters.

"I'm home!" she said brightly. She smiled at the many Yoruichi's who were all watching her, before doing exactly what Ikkaku had hoped that she would do. She began to take off her clothes. Seru grabbed Yachiru and covered her eyes, gently lowering the girl down so that she couldn't see the screens anymore.

"How about you draw you and Kenny now?" Seru suggested.

"But I wanna see!"

"I have more candy!" Seru protested desperately.

"Okay!" Yachiru agreed. Seru gave her more candy, and left the girl to draw on the floor.

"Aw, she left her underwear on!" Ikkaku protested. Seru kicked him in the face.

"Pervert!" she screamed at him.

"I'm all out of candy," Yachiru said, tugging on Seru's robes.

"How about you bite Ikkaku on the head?"

"Okay!" Yachiru clamped onto Ikkaku's head.

"Ow, that was low Seru- ouch you little brat stop biting me!"

"I hate to break it to you but… you really deserved that," Yumichika informed Ikkaku in his most matter of fact voice.

"I'll kill you!"

"Shh… something's happening."

Soi Fon sighed, still nearly naked, before taking a running jump and landing in the humungous pile of Yoruichi plushies. Ikkaku stopped trying to get Yachiru off of his head, and just watched the screens.

"As disgusting as this may be, you've got to admit that she's got a nice body," he said. Seru glared at him. "What, that is a good observation! Am I not allowed to comment anymore?"

"No, you're not."

Soi Fon lay in the pile of plushies for a while, before getting up and crawling underneath of the covers of the bed, which had a big picture of cat Yoruichi and human Yoruichi on it. The sheets had black cat patterns, and the pillowcase had pictures of Yoruichi's smiling face all over it.

"Obsessed!" Seru exclaimed as Soi Fon curled up and went to sleep.

"Very." Yumichika and Ikkaku agreed.

* * *

><p><strong>That's it for this one! Hope you liked!<strong>

**Again, please review!**

**I'm doing Matsumoto next, so if you have any questions... give them to me, and I will try to use them!**


	3. Matsumoto Rangiku

**Sorry, this was supposed to be finished yesterday, but then I got a big science project and couldn't finish it!**

**Thanks to everybody who reviewed, and special thanks to Grey dog, who gave me some questions for Matsumoto!**

**If I owned Bleach, Aizen would _always_ have his glasses off, even in the Save Rukia arc, because he's way hotter with them off. Fortunately for Tite Kubo, and Aizen's glasses, I don't own Bleach.**

* * *

><p><strong>Matsumoto Rangiku<strong>

"Hey Yachiru!" Matsumoto Rangiku, Vice Captain of Squad Ten called, flipping her long hair back as she turned.

"Hi!" Yachiru replied, waving. Seru and the Maneru brothers followed her.

"What's this?" Matsumoto asked. "Cameras?"

"Yeah! You're the next star of the Seireitei's new show- Hidden Camera! What are your thoughts on this honor?" Matsumoto grinned.

"I'm going to be on TV? Sounds great! What do I have to do?"

"Just act normal." Yachiru replied. "And… don't beat up the interviewer and host of the show, Seru!" Matsumoto glanced over at the other woman, whose face and arms were covered in bruises and scrapes.

"What happened to you?" she asked.

"I offended Captain Soi Fon," Seru replied, and winced. "Several times actually."

"And you survived!"

"I guess so. I kinda wish I didn't."

Matsumoto gave Seru a sympathetic look. "Yeah, I'll bet. She's scary isn't she?"

"Very," Seru replied.

"I'll leave you to the show," Yachiru called, and turned away. "I've got to get back to Kenny! He'll probably be getting lost without my wonderfully accurate directions. He has no sense of direction!"

"Neither of you has a good sense of direction," Matsumoto replied, but quietly, so that Yachiru wouldn't hear her. "Come on, we'd best get to the Squad Ten barracks, or my Captain will get grumpy!

They made their way to the Squad Ten barracks, Matsumoto and Seru chatting, while the Maneru brothers followed with the cameras and tripods, and all the rest of the equipment.

"Matsumoto!" Captain Hitsugaya yelled when they got there. "You're over an hour late! What took you so long?"

"Aw, don't be so mean," Matsumoto replied with an over exaggerated pout that didn't work on her captain. "I'm going to be on T.V! Isn't that awesome?"

"I don't care, as long as you get your work done," Captain Hitsugaya growled. "There's paperwork that I gave you a week ago that still isn't finished! I need you to actually work today, not mess around!"

"Yeah, yeah," Matsumoto waved a hand at him. "I'll get it done."

"You said that last time! Are you even listening to me?" Matsumoto sauntered past him and dropped onto the couch in the office.

"Come sit," she offered Seru a seat. Captain Hitsugaya gave up and went back to his own paperwork. "So," Matsumoto continued. "What do we do on this show?"

"Well basically all that we do is follow you around all day to see what you do in your daily life. Oh, and we interview you of course!" Seru replied. She liked Matsumoto already.

"Ooh, can we start the interview?"

"Sure! First Question. Do you like paperwork?" Both women were silent for a moment, before they both burst out laughing.

"Of course not," Matsumoto said between gasps. "I've got better things to do with my time!"

"Like fool around and get drunk?" Captain Hitsugaya asked, frowning.

"Oh come on Captain! I'm not _that_ bad of a Vice Captain!" Matsumoto protested. "And I'm not that lazy." There was no reply from the short, white haired boy.

"Second Question!" Seru interrupted before Captain Hitsugaya did something that they all might regret later. She leaned closer to Matsumoto, lowering her voice. "Does your captain have any love interest?" Matsumoto grinned wickedly, and leaned forwards too.

"Well, there was this girl in the world of the living- Kurosaki's little sister. I think her name was Karin? I think my captain had a crush on her."

"Really?" Seru asked. "Wow. A human girl. Who would have guessed it?"

"You two aren't talking about _me_ by any chance?" Captain Hitsugaya asked.

"Of _course_ not! Whatever gave you that idea?"

"Hmph." Was the only reply.

"Third Question! Are your boobs naturally that big?"

"Of course! This is all natural! I guess I'm just lucky." Matsumoto grinned at Seru. "I'm surprised that you had to ask something like that. Did you really think that I'd fake something this important?"

"Sorry. I just had to know for sure."

"Heh. I get it all the time."

"Fourth Question! Did you know that Hisagi Shuhei likes you?"

"What! Seru, we're just friends!"

"Maybe now, but he wishes that you weren't!"

"Don't be ridiculous. He doesn't like me!"

"Uh yeah, he does. He's got a _major_ crush on you. Like, really major." Seru rolled her eyes at Matsumoto.

"Don't be silly. He doesn't!"

"He gives you gooey eyes all the time! That usually means that somebody's got a crush on you! Besides, what's wrong with that? I wish Shuhei had a crush on _me_!" Matsumoto gave Seru a disbelieving look. "Think on it. Anyways, Fifth Question. Do you like Sake?"

"Of course! Who doesn't?"

"I should have known. Sixth Question. Are you always drunk, or asleep? Sorry, but it seems that way!"

"No, I eat sometimes too. Don't worry, I get that a lot. Me and Shunsui, we're best buds! We get drunk together, and then we sleep it off on the floor. It's a great arrangement. Of course," she frowned, "we also get beaten up by Nanao and her book together. On second thought, it's not that great an arrangement. Nanao always blames me!"

"_Right_. Okay then. Seventh Question. What are your thoughts on Gin Ichimaru?"

"He's a betraying bastard! But… he was kind to me." Matsumoto's voice softened. "I'm not sure what to think. I know that what he's done is wrong, and I'm angry with him for leaving and betraying the Seireitei, but I still think that he's a decent guy underneath of all that."

"You sound like Momo," Seru observed.

"At least I admit that Gin is a bastard. She still idolizes Aizen. She still thinks that he's got a good reason for all that he's done. He tried to kill her! I can't see how she can keep thinking he's a hero after all that. Can we go to the next question now?"

"Alright… Eighth Quest-"

"Matsumoto!" Captain Hitsugaya yelled. "Get to work!"

"Yes Captain." Matsumoto stood up, and grabbed a pile of paperwork. Then, with Seru and the Maneru brothers looking on she started working.

She kept working for the rest of the day, except for occasional breaks were she would stop and chat with Seru until Captain Hitsugaya shouted at her again.

When the day was over, Matsumoto waved to Seru, and walked away to her home. Seru and the Maneru brothers went to the secret room, and actually managed to arrive before Ikkaku, Yumichika and Yachiru.

"So you're finally here," Seru said when the three of them walked in. "Are the hidden cameras set up?"

"Yep!" Yachiru confirmed, sitting on the desk and kicking her legs back and forth. "This is gonna be fun!"

"I'm sure it will be," Seru turned back to the screens. "I wonder where she is- oh, there." She watched for a bit. "That's a lot of people."

"She's probably holding another one of her drinking parties," Ikkaku said.

"Oh, there's Shunsui. She's definitely holding a drinking party then." Seru replied.

"What do you mean by that?" Yumichika asked sitting down.

"She told me that her and Shunsui get drunk together."

"Oh yeah. And then Nanao hits them both with that book that she's always carrying around. It's funny to watch actually." Ikkaku said.

"It's such an undignified way to fight," Yumichika sniffed.

"But funny to watch."

The six of them (including the Maneru brothers) watched as the party progressed, and everybody got drunker and drunker. At one point, Kira and Shuhei started dancing on the table. But then the table broke and they stopped.

Finally, when it was getting near to midnight somebody knocked on the door, and then opened it.

"Hey, what's Byakuya doing there?" Seru asked. She didn't have to wait long to find out.

"Matsumoto," Byakuya said in his usual emotionless voice. "You are being way too loud. I can hear you in my mansion."

"Hey," Matsumoto slurred drunkenly. "Who hired the stripper?" Ikkaku, Seru, Yachiru and Yumichika all doubled over laughing. Byakuya's eyes widened.

"What?" He asked. Matsumoto giggled. Byakuya grabbed Renji, who was trying to sneak by him through the door, by the back of his robes and dragged him out the door.

"You're not in charge of me!" Renji protested as Byakuya pulled him out of the room. "I can do _whatever_ I want when I'm free!"

"You cannot do anything that will disgrace the Sixth Division," Byakuya replied, emotionless as ever. "That will definitely disgrace the Sixth Division." Renji's reply was lost in the sound of the door slamming shut.

The night continued in much the same way. Matsumoto and Shuhei began singing tunelessly at the top of their lungs, and Shunsui joined during the chorus. Kira threw up and then passed out on the floor. He was stepped on several times, but he didn't wake up, and everybody else was too drunk to realize that he wasn't actually part of the floor. By two in the morning everybody else was passed out, and Seru turned off the screens, being careful not to wake Yachiru, who was fast asleep on her lap.

"Take her," she told Ikkaku and Yumichika, who were still awake and alert.

"Okay," Ikkaku replied. He hoisted Yachiru's unconscious figure over his shoulder, and left the room, Yumichika following a step behind. Seru stumbled out of the room drowsily, and locked the door behind her.

"How do they stay awake for so long?" she mumbled.

"It's the alcohol ma'am," both of the Maneru brothers replied at the same time.

"Oh, okay." Seru walked into the door of her room, fumbled with the key for a bit, before managing to unlock the door, and then walked in. "Good night," she said in the Maneru brothers' general direction.

"Good night ma'am," was the reply. Seru shut the door and got into bed without bothering to change into her sleepwear. She was asleep in seconds.

* * *

><p><strong>Please review, and send questions- I'm doing Shunsui next!<strong>

**Pretty please send questions! I'm having a hard time thinking them all up by myself, and I promise that I'll use at least one of your questions if you send me them, as long as they're appropriate and not something really stupid.**

**Thank you for reading!**


	4. Shunsui Kyoraku

**Another chapter! I'm squishing this one in between math homework and major science project, so sorry if it isn't any good…**

**Thanks to all of the reviewers! You made me so happy. Special thanks to Grey dog, bleach-otaku, Ablast4 and Lali Lali for the questions! Hope the answers satisfy!**

**Review this chapter too please! I love reviews, they keep me motivated, and cheer me up when I get even **_**more**_** homework. It makes it more bearable, so review, review, review! Even if you have nothing to say, make something really random up. Do it for the next chapter! Please! And give questions. Any questions!**

**If I owned Bleach, we'd see Nanao fight with her zanpaku-to once in a while. Because she would be super kick ass awesome! I don't own Bleach, so Nanao still doesn't fight with her zanpaku-to, and nobody knows her shikai. Dammit Tite Kubo!**

* * *

><p><strong>Shunsui Kyoraku<strong>

"Captain Kyoraku! Nanao, Vice Captain of Squad Eight shook her irresponsible Captain awake from where he lay in a drunken stupor on the floor.

"Ah, Nanao-chan, he drawled, lifting his head to look at her. "My beautiful Nanao-chan!" Nanao frowned at him.

"Who's _your_ Nanao?" she asked, scowling.

"You are!" He sat up, swaying slightly. If he hadn't been so drunk, he probably wouldn't have said that. Nanao hit him over the head with the book that she carried around everywhere with her. This sobered him up better than a bucket full of ice water. "So cold!" he exclaimed, getting up and stumbling after her.

"You have a meeting in an hour," she informed him coldly. "You'd better be sober by then. And you'd better be there _on time_."

"Yeah, yeah," Shunsui waved her off. "How about I spend the hour before then with my sweet Nanao-chan." Her book met his face again.

"I already told you that I'm not your Nanao. And don't call me Nanao-chan!" she retorted, walking away. "You have paperwork to do. I don't want to do it all, so spend this hour doing _that_."

"My heart is breaking into pieces," Shunsui called after her. "The love of my life is so frigid to me!"

"Aw," third seat Tatsufusa Enjoji said, catching up with his captain. "Nanao's spurning your advances again." Shunsui sighed, depressed, and didn't respond.

He walked glumly to his desk, where he sat and stared at the piles of paperwork on top of it. He didn't want to do the paperwork, but if he did… Nanao would be so proud of him! Shunsui watched the paperwork warily, before standing up and walking away. He'd go and drink with Eleventh Division again. That would be fun- or at least, more fun than doing the paperwork, even if Nanao wanted him to.

Halfway to the Eleventh Squad Barracks Yachiru, Seru and the Maneru brothers caught up with him.

"Hey Yachiru," he greeted the small Vice Captain.

"Hi!" she replied, waving happily to him with one small hand.

"Who're your friends?" he asked, looking inquisitively at Seru and the Maneru brothers.

"That's Seru, and the Maneru brothers!" she exclaimed, smiling at Seru, but barely sparing the Maneru brothers a glance. "Seru's the host of the Seireitei's new show, Hidden Camera, and the Maneru brothers are the cameramen. You're the next star of the show! How do you feel about that?"

"Will Nanao be on the show?" Shunsui wanted to know.

"Yep, eventually!"

"Oh good. So what do I have to do?"

"Just act normal! Oh, and Seru's going to interview you, so you have to be honest, and you can't beat her up like Soi Fon did." Shunsui glanced over at Seru, whose skin was still covered with fading bruises.

"Ouch," he winced. "You said Yoruichi's name without _respect_ didn't you?"

"Yeah," Seru replied, grinning brightly at him. "Come on, let's get this party started!" Shunsui followed her, forgetting all about his earlier intentions to drink with the Eleventh Division, and the meeting that Nanao had told him not to be late to.

Seru led him to an office, and sat down beside a large, clean desk. She reached beneath it and pulled out some sake. "Would you like some?" she asked.

"Please," Shunsui replied, relaxing. Seru gave him some, and he leaned back in his chair. "So," he said, sipping at the sake. "What's with this interview thing?"

"It's easy," she replied. "I ask you questions, you answer truthfully and don't kick me in the face. I won't even make you do any paperwork, or stay sober."

"Let's start then," Shunsui said, holding out his glass for more sake.

"First Question! Why do you wear a woman's kimono?"

"It's not a woman's coat!" Shunsui protested.

"Yes it is. Answer the question."

"It helps with my image," Shunsui replied. "It makes me seem like a calm, controlled yet handsome and beautiful person. Besides, I like rose petals."

"Your image."

"Yes. I've spent a long time building that up. Why, I believe that everybody agrees that I am the most handsome captain around."

"Actually, the Female Soul Reaper Society voted Byakuya as the most handsome person in the Seireitei."

"What!"

"Sorry."

"My life is ruined!" Shunsui moaned, refilling his glass of sake. "Does my sweet Nanao-chan feel that way about Byakuya? My heart would break into a million tiny, unfixable pieces, and scatter around the world if she were!"

"Actually, Nanao didn't take a part in that vote, so nobody knows who she truly thinks is the most handsome man in the Seireitei. Second question. Why do you drink so much?"

"Because drinking is fun, and I like sake," Shunsui replied, as though this were the most natural thing in the world.

"Alright then… Third question! What would you do if you found out that you were allergic to rose petals?"

"That would be the second worst thing that would ever happen in my whole entire life! It would be a complete disaster!" Shunsui got his fourth class of sake.

"Second worst thing? What's the worst thing."

"I don't want to talk about it." Shunsui seemed depressed just thinking about this worst thing.

"Fine. Fourth question. Why are you so lazy?"

"Because it's something that I'm good at." He paused, leaving an unsaid 'and' at the end of the sentence.

"There's more. Tell me!"

"Will you promise not to tell Nanao?" Shunsui asked. Obviously the sake helped him forget that this was a T.V show and Nanao would find out all about it anyways.

"Of course," Seru assured him. "_I_ won't tell anybody." Shunsui didn't seem to notice that everything that he was saying and doing was on camera.

"If I'm lazy, then Nanao will come and find me, and get angry when I don't do anything, and she's so _cute_ when she's angry!"

"I see." Seru replied. "Fifth question. Have you ever seen Nanao naked?"

"I wish," Shunsui replied. "She always locks the door to her room, and I she's not the type of person to wander around without any clothes on."

"You wish?"

"Yes." Shunsui refilled his glass, _again_.

"Sixth question," Seru continued. Shunsui was definitely tipsy now. "Why do you say that the Eighth Squad only takes girls?"

"Because I like the ladies," was the reply. "Especially wonderful, beautiful, self-sufficient ladies like Nanao."

"You are obsessed," Seru told him. "You are just as obsessed with Nanao as Soi Fon is with Yoruichi."

"I do not have Nanao plushies," Shunsui defended himself. "I'm doing better than Soi Fon is. And I'm in other relationships. Just, not the one that I want to be in." He got more sake.

"How do you know that Soi Fon has Nanao plushies?"

"I may or may not have, _accidentally_ entered her rooms once, while she was changing… accidentally of course."

"You are such a pervert!"

"I am not! It was accidental!"

"I hope she beat the crap out of you!"

"She did. I could barely move for weeks."

"Good. You deserve it!"

"Look, can we move on now?"

"As you wish. Seventh question. Do you have a crush on Matsumoto?"

"What? No! The only person I'll ever love is my lovely Nanao-chan." Once again, Shunsui refilled his glass of sake.

"You tried to see Soi Fon changing!"

"I said love, not try to see naked. I want to see many girls naked." Shunsui was more than tipsy now.

"Moving on… Eighth Question." Seru sounded slightly disturbed. "How often do you go to Matsumoto's drinking parties?"

"Ah, let's see," Shunsui looked down at his fingers, and seemed to be using them to count with. He glanced up at Seru. "How many days are there in a week again?"

"Seven. There are seven days in a week."

"Ah, okay. Seven. Then, umm, three or four. I go to the Squad Eleven Barracks for the other days.

"You've got problems."

"Yes. Sweet Nanao-chan is so _cold_ to me."

"I meant other problems, but okay, we'll go with that. Ninth Question. What do you think of a relationship between Ukitake and Soi Fon?"

"What! That's awful. No, worse than awful, it's disgusting! And besides, Ukitake would _never_ do something like that. He's legs over head for Unohana." He paused. "Wait, that was wrong. He's head over feet, no, not that either. Back over sides? No… nose over stomach. I think it's nose over stomach. Yeah. It's nose over stomach. He's nose over stomach for Unohana."

"Nose over stomach? Never mind. Ukitake's in love with Unohana?"

"Yep! Ever since they met." Shunsui refilled his glass again. "I told him; I told him, go for it! What've you got to lose? But now, over a century later, has he even asked her out to lunch? No! He doesn't listen to me!" Shunsui was drunk now.

"Given your failure with Nanao, I can't blame him." Seru replied, but she was smiling. "Let's move on, shall we? Tenth question. Why do you continue to write the Rose Coloured Path even though it's the least popular of all of the columns in the Seireitei bulletin?"

"It's not least popular! I don't know where you got that information from! All of the ladies _love_ my column. Especially Nanao-chan!" Shunsui slurred.

"Only in your dreams," Seru told him. "Eleventh question! Why do you continue to hit on Nanao? I mean, it's obvious that she doesn't like it."

"I love her! I dream of one day holding her in my arms. She'll look up at me with shining eyes and say, 'Captain Kyoraku, I love you!' and then we'll kiss, and we will never be separated!" Shunsui hiccupped and got another glass of sake.

"I doubt that that will _ever _happen," Seru replied.

"It will! My wonderful Nanao-chan will love me someday!" Shunsui drank his new glass of sake in one gulp and got another one.

"Right… That's definitely what's going to happen."

"It is!" Shunsui was too drunk to recognize sarcasm.

"Twelfth question. Do you know some of Ukitake's secrets?"

"I'm not telling!"

"Alright then. How about you tell me some stories from when you went to school together?" Shunsui needed no further provoking.

"I remember this one time- and it was really funny- but Ukitake wasn't sick for once, which almost never happened, and we were just, just hanging out. I found some sake, and we were drinking it-"

"Sorry, but how much did you drink?"

"A lot, I can't exactly remember, but over… what comes after two?"

"Three."

"Over three bottles."

"So you were drunk?"

"What, me? I never get drunk! I'm always sober. Yep! I can hold alcohol better than anybody else in the Seireitei!" Shunsui got another glass of sake.

"So anyways…" Seru prompted.

"Right, so we'd drunk all this sake, so I said, 'Hey, Ukitake, how about you and me sneak into the girl's change room, and watch them change! He said no of course, he's _such_ a spoilsport, but then I told him that Unohana was changing in there."

"And," Seru was really interested now.

"He said sure. He's always wanted to see her change, especially then, when he was a bit more reckless. I say a bit because he was still a wet blanket then, but not as bad as now." Shunsui refilled his glass, chugged it back, and refilled it again.

"Continue with the story."

"Right. Okay, so we snuck in there when it was empty, and it went just fine for a bit, and then the girls started coming in." Shunsui smiled. "Such pretty girls. Not as pretty as Nanao-chan of course."

"Of course."

"We were hidden good, but I guess not good enough, because they spotted us, and chased us out, hitting us over the head with stuff. Ukitake never did get to see Unohana change."

"Poor Ukitake."

"Yeah. But if he'd do as I say and ask the woman out, then maybe he'd have a chance!"

"Maybe. Any other stories?"

"Sure, there are plenty." Shunsui got more sake. "Where to start… well there was this time when I was visiting him in the infirmary, because he was sick _again_, and the school nurse and a teacher made out. That was awkward. And funny."

"It was funny?"

"Yeah. You should have seen the colour of his face!"

"Describe it," Seru demanded, intrigued.

"Well, it was kind of like a cross between gray, red, and greenish." Shunsui shot back another glass of sake.

"Oh. That doesn't sound good."

"In his defence, he was really sick."

"I'll bet! Are there more stories?"

"Yeah there was this one time when… when…" Shunsui stopped, and passed out, falling gracefully out of his chair on to the floor.

"Oh, great," Seru said to nobody in particular. "Just when it was starting to get good." She stood up. "Let's go," she told the Maneru brothers.

"Are we just going to leave him lying on the floor ma'am?" they asked.

"Yeah. There's nothing left to see here." She walked out with her camera crew following her. On the way to the Eleventh Squad's Barracks, where she was planning to hang out in the secret room and have some time to herself before nightfall, she met Nanao.

"Have you seen Captain Kyoraku?" she asked, panting a little.

"Yeah."

"Where?"

"What's the rush? Are you worried about him?"

"Of course not. He completely missed the meeting that I told him not to be late to, and his paperwork isn't done! I need him to finish it, and catch up on the contents of the meeting!"

"He's passed out in that office over there," Seru told her, pointing. "I think he drank too much." Nanao's glasses flashed dramatically in the sun as she scowled.

"Of course. He couldn't make it _any_ easier for me, could he?" she muttered to herself. "Thank you," she told Seru, before storming off in the direction of the office where Shunsui was sleeping off all of the alcohol that he had consumed.

_You wouldn't be thanking me if you had known that I was the one who had given it to him._ Seru thought, bemused. She continued to walk to the Eleventh Division Barracks.

When Ikkaku, Yumichika and Yachiru arrived at the room with the cameras, Seru had had just enough quiet time, and was ready to see what Captain Kyoraku would be doing. She turned the screens on, ignoring the chaos behind her as Yachiru bit Ikkaku's head, and wouldn't let go, Yumichika tried to keep Ikkaku from killing Yachiru, and Ikkaku tried his absolute best to kill both of them. The Maneru brothers hid themselves in a corner and tried to avoid getting stepped on.

"Settle down you three," Seru told them distractedly. She was watching the screens intently, even though nothing was happening yet.

"Get off my head you little brat!" Ikkaku yelled. "I'll kill you!"

"Settle down Ikkaku," Yumichika tried to calm his friend. "Let go of him Yachiru. Ikkaku, put the sword _away_!"

"I'll kill you too!"

"Yachiru, I've got candy! Let go of Ikkaku and I'll give you candy."

"I'll kill all of you! Get off my head! Let go!"

"Candy Yachiru, hey, watch where you wave that thing Ikkaku!"

"Get off of me! I'll chop you into little bits!"

"Come get the candy Yachiru. See, look at all of the candy. Come get it!"

"I'll slice you in half! I'll cut your intestines out!"

"Now you're starting to sound like Mayuri, Ikkaku. Candy Yachiru! I've got _candy_!"

"I'll cut your head off and feed it to the dogs!"

"Yachiru, come and get the stupid candy before Ikkaku hurts someone!"

"Kill you all!"

"Candy dammit! Look at the candy!"

"Candy!" Yachiru finally detached herself from Ikkaku's head and launched herself at the bag that Yumichika was holding out. Yumichika tossed it aside and grabbed Ikkaku, twisting his arm up behind his back so that he would quit trying to kill everybody. When the bald man was finally calm and Yachiru was absorbed in her candy he let Ikkaku go.

"You three are so noisy," Seru complained.

"It's not like anything was happening," Ikkaku muttered, sitting down next to her and rubbing his shiny head.

"But something could have been," she reminded him. "Now shush." Yumichika dropped into a chair next to Ikkaku.

"Did you _really_ have to wave your zanpaku-to around like that?" he asked. "You could have scarred my beautiful face!"

"Shut up Yumichika!"

"No. You need to stop being so reckless. You are too much. With Ichigo, with Yachiru- learn some restraint! Besides, one of these times you're going to hurt me, and I swear on my honour as a Soul Reaper Ikkaku, if you scar my face I will _kill you_."

"And you're telling _me_ to show some restraint!"

"Be quiet you two! Shunsui is entering!" Seru told them. Yumichika and Ikkaku stopped bickering and looked at the screens. Shunsui walked into his room and sat down dejectedly on his bed. The covers of the bed were pink and had rose petals on them. After a while he picked up a sheet of paper and pen. He wrote for a bet before holding the paper out in front of him and squinting at it.

"Sweet, sweet Nanao-chan," he murmured. "Oh how I love you. Or thee. Should it be you or thee?"

"He's writing poetry for her now!" Seru exclaimed.

"Not only that," Ikkaku agreed, "but he's writing really _bad_ poetry for her."

"Maybe he's just getting started," Seru suggested. "Let's just wait.

Shunsui was silent for a bit, before crumpling up the piece of paper and throwing it across the room. He picked up another piece of paper and started again, unaware of the people watching tensely. Soon, they started placing bets.

"I bet you twenty kan that it sucks," Ikkaku said.

"I bet you thirty kan that it'll be sweet." Seru countered.

"Oh yeah? I bet you forty kan that it'll be so bad that our ears will bleed."

"I bet you fifty kan that it'll be awesome," Yachiru piped up.

"Do you even have that much money?" Ikkaku asked.

"I will!" Yachiru replied. Ikkaku opened his mouth to reply but Yumichika stopped him.

"Don't," he warned. "It's not worth it."

"I bet you sixty kan that it'll be horrible." Ikkaku challenged.

"I bet you seventy kan that it'll be adorable."

"I bet you eighty kan that it'll be the worst thing ever."

"Stop now before one of you makes a promise that you can't keep," Yumichika said, fixed on the screens. "Besides, I think that he's going to read it out loud."

Shunsui held the piece of paper up in front of him, and read the poem that was printed on it.

_Is it true,_

_That the world_

_Revolves around_

_One thing_

_Alone?_

_Is it true_

_That the sun_

_Shines for _

_One purpose_

_Alone?_

_Is it true_

_That the stars_

_Smile down_

_For one person_

_Alone?_

_Is it true_

_That the sea_

_Swells_

_For one delight_

_Alone?_

_Yes my dear,_

_My heart,_

_My light._

_The world revolves,_

_The sun shines,_

_The stars smile,_

_The sea swells,_

_All for one._

_One special_

_Light,_

_One special _

_Song,_

_One special heart_

_The earth revolves,_

_The sun shines,_

_The stars smile,_

_The sea swells,_

_All for one,_

_That one is you,_

_My sweet, beautiful Nanao-chan._

"Aw, that was so sweet!" Seru gushed. "You owe me eighty kan!"

"That," Ikkaku told her, "is a matter of opinion. I think it sucked! _You_ owe _me_ eighty kan!"

"What? How can you say that that was bad? It was awesome! You just don't understand it!"

"It was awful! You're delusional thinking that it was good!"

"You're the delusional one! Yumichika, who do you think is right?"

"Personally, I think that it was very unbeautiful. Seru, you owe Ikkaku eighty kan."

"You're just siding with him because he's your friend!"

"I am not. It was not beautiful! Now shut up. He's doing something."

Shunsui was standing, and walking across the room. He opened a drawer and placed the poem on top of a stack of papers.

"Wow. He has _more _of them?" Seru said, disbelievingly.

"Looks like it," Ikkaku agreed.

"Shunny's in _love_!" Yachiru exclaimed.

"It sure seems that way," Seru agreed.

Shunsui sighed, staring down at the stack of papers. "Why Nanao?" he asked the empty room. "Why must you be so cold?" He shut the drawer with the poems in it and opened another one. It held bottles of sake.

"Why am I not surprised?" Ikkaku asked the room in general.

"Great. He's going to drink himself unconscious again. Just what we want to watch all evening," Seru said.

"Then let's not," Yumichika suggested. "Let's just go get some supper. I'm hungry."

"Me too! Let's go eat!" Yachiru jumped up and down. Seru switched off the cameras, and they walked out of the room, arguing about where they would go.

* * *

><p><strong>There it is! Hope you liked!<strong>

**I'm stalking Ukitake next, so send me questions for him! I loved the amount of questions that I got this time- four people with over five each. I used at least two from each! Let's aim for over six people sending questions this time, unless you want lame questions like 'what is your favourite colour?' which is basically the only thing that my poor abused brain can think of at the moment. **

**Please review! Like I've said before, I love reviews- they make my day! And I need all of the happiness that I can get right now. Apparently the teachers think that finals are in two weeks, not two months and have decided to pile on the homework like there's no tomorrow...**

**Thank you for reading!**


	5. Jushiro Ukitake

**Sorry this took so long! I was procrastinating, then I got sick, and then I got better, and wrote it, and then when I was going to upload it I was forced to become the photographer at my little sister's birthday party.**

**Thanks to everybody with reviews, and again, special thanks to the four with questions; Bleach-otaku, Grey dog, Lali Lali, and Ablast4!**

**Review this chapter, and send questions! Please! I asked for six people sending questions last time and I only got four. This time I want six definitely! Please! Please! Please! Please!**

**Anyways, enjoy.**

**If I owned Bleach, Ukitake x Unohana would be a cannon couple. Because they are _so_ cute together!**

* * *

><p><strong>Jushiro Ukitake<strong>

Jushiro Ukitake, Captain of Squad Thirteen was relaxing in his private garden when the racket that usually accompanied his two third seats reached his ears. Sentaro and Kiyone were arguing again, and what they were arguing about was no surprise. It was their favourite subject after all.

"I definitely respect Captain Ukitake more than she does!" Sentaro exclaimed.

"Don't listen to him. I respect Captain Ukitake more than he ever will!" Kiyone countered. Ukitake sighed. Obviously somebody was with them, and he felt sorry for whoever it was. They didn't deserve to listen to all that. Sometimes he thought that _he_ didn't deserve to listen to all that, but he pushed the feeling back. It was sweet really, in an annoying way.

The argument was getting closer now, the peace that Captain Ukitake had been enjoying now well gone. He picked up his cup of tea, and took a sip, waiting for chaos to reach him. It wouldn't be long now.

Sentaro and Kiyone burst into the garden.

"Captain Ukitake, tell him/her, that I respect you more than him/her!" they chorused together. There was a woman and two men following them.

"You both respect me equally," he said calmly. "Who's this?" He asked, peering around his two third seats to look at the people behind him.

Kiyone quickly trapped Sentaro in a headlock and stopped him from talking. "They're apparently people from a new show, Hidden Camera!"

"Hidden Camera?" Ukitake asked, curious. Sentaro wrestled Kiyone off of him and shoved her away, twisting one arm up behind her back.

"Yeah! It's a show that documents the daily lives of the important figures of the Seireitei!" he replied enthusiastically. Kiyone shoved him off of her and shoved his head down towards the ground.

"I just want you to know Captain that I lo- _respect_ you more than he does!" Kiyone informed her Captain.

"That's not true!" Sentaro shoved Kiyone backwards a few feet. "I respect you way more than she does!"

"Alright, calm down you two," Ukitake waved a hand at them and smiled. Both third seats immediately stood to attention, both trying to look more alert and professional than the other. "Kiyone, weren't you meeting Isane today for lunch?" he asked the girl. She started.

"Oh, right! But I can wait if you want me to Captain!" she replied automatically.

"No, that's alright. You can go. You've been looking forward to it." Kiyone bowed to Ukitake and ran off. Sentaro fidgeted a bit, obviously wanting to prove that he was a better third seat than Kiyone, but wanting to go somewhere.

"You can go too Sentaro," Ukitake told him.

"Thank you Captain!" Sentaro bowed lower than Kiyone, and went off too.

"So," Ukitake smiled welcomingly at his guests. "Would you like to sit down? Oh, and I don't know your names."

"I'm Seru," Seru smiled back at him, warming up to the kind man automatically. "And that's Gaichu Maneru, and Tsugi no Maneru."

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Ukitake replied warmly. "Please, make yourselves comfortable." Seru plopped down on a cushion across from Ukitake, but the Maneru brothers remained standing. "What is this Hidden Camera show anyways?" he asked.

"It's just as your third seats told you. We pick different important figures of the Seireitei and follow them around all day. Oh, and we also interview you." Seru replied brightly. She paused for a moment. "Should we start the interview now?"

Ukitake shrugged. "Sounds good!"

"First Question," Seru began. "Why don't you have a Vice Captain?"

"The position of Vice Captain in this squad is vacant to honour the memory of Kaien Shiba, my former Vice Captain," Ukitake replied quietly.

"Aww… that's sweet! Second Question. If you had to choose a new Vice Captain, who would it be?"

"I don't know," Ukitake said honestly. "I hope that I never have to choose."

"I hope for your sake that you don't have to choose either," Seru told him. "Third Question. Are you really in love with Captain Unohana?" Ukitake stared at her.

"What? No! We're just friends."

"I have no doubt that your just friends. I'll rephrase that. Do you wish that you were something more than just friends?"

"No! No. Our relationship right now is just fine."

"You'd make such a _cute_ couple!" Seru grinned. "And Shunsui seemed to think that you were."

"I'd bet anything that Shunsui was drunk at the time." Ukitake told her. "Captain Unohana and I are _just friends_."

"Well yes, he _was_ drunk. But I still believe him. You and Unohana would be adorable together. You should ask her out!" Ukitake gave up.

"Can we move on now?" he asked, sounding defeated.

"Only if you admit that you and Unohana would be a cute couple!" Seru said mischeiviously.

"We're just friends," Ukitake protested. Seru waited, raising one eyebrow. "But fine."

"Fine what?" Seru asked.

"Fine, we would make a cute couple. Happy now?"

"Yep!" Seru exclaimed. "Fourth Question. Did you _really_ sneak into the girl's change room when you were at the Soul Reaper's Academy?"

"How did you know that?" Ukitake sounded shocked.

"I have my sources." Seru smiled mysteriously.

"Shunsui told you, didn't he?" Ukitake asked. "He swore that he wouldn't tell anybody!" Seru just giggled at Ukitake's annoyance. "In my defence," Ukitake continued, "I was very drunk."

"My sources told me that you snuck in so that you could see Unohana change! That proves that you have a major crush on her!"

"Once again, I was drunk. And I'm pretty sure Shunsui got it wrong. I did _not_ sneak in to see Unohana change!"

"Sure you didn't. Fifth Question. Would you consider having Rukia as a Vice Captain?"

"I have, yes," Ukitake replied.

"Why isn't she?"

"Captain Kuchiki asked me not to make her a seated officer, for her safety."

"Aww, that's sweet of him! He really does care about her, even if he doesn't show it!"

"Yes, he does care about her. He just has troubles showing how he feels."

"What do you think of him not allowing her to become a seated officer?"

"I think that it's kind of overprotective of him, but I can see where he's coming from. If I had a little sister, I wouldn't want to put her in danger either, and being a seated officer is plenty dangerous. Just look at what happened to Hanataro, of Squad Four, or Ikkaku and Yumichika of Squad Eleven."

"I heard about Ikkaku, but what happened to Yumichika? I thought that he only had fireworks thrown at him during the Ryoka intrusion." Seru asked, interested.

"When they went to capture the Bounts in the world of the living Yumichika was seriously injured by one of the Bount's dolls." Ukitake told her.

"I didn't hear about that…"

"It was a filler."

"Oh. That explains it then. Sixth Question. Why won't you ask Unohana out?"

"I already told you, we're just friends!"

"You should be something more. You'd better hurry up or Kenpachi'll steal her!"

"What? Kenpachi and Unohana?"

"See, you're jealous. You do care. Kenpachi x Unohana is almost as cute as you and Unohana."

"I'm not jealous! She can date who she wants to. But… Kenpachi?"

"Yep! Cute couple that one. Anyways… Seventh Question. Have you ever considered making a white hair club?"

"White hair club? That's a really good idea! I should do that!"

"I think I've created a monster," Seru groaned quietly. "Toshiro's never going to forgive me. Moving on," she said quickly, before Ukitake could give the 'White Hair Club' any more thought. "Eighth Question. Are you considering getting married? Maybe to Unohana?"

"No. No, I have no plans on getting married to _anybody_. And Unohana and I are _just friends._"

"Right. Ninth Question." Seru snuggled closer to Ukitake, and creeping him out a bit. "Will you marry _me?_"

"I barely know you!" Ukitake protested. "So, probably not."

"Aw, way to crush a girl's dreams. Byakuya won't marry me, you won't marry me…"

"You actually asked Byakuya to marry you?" Ukitake asked, surprised.

"No, but he's obviously not over Hisana yet. I'll wait another hundred years. Maybe by then he'll be over Hisana, and he'll marry me. Unless, you'll marry me?"

"I'm fine single thank you," Ukitake replied, a bit amused.

"Tenth Question! Why do you always give Toshiro candy?"

"Because we're the same Shiro-chan," Ukitake told her.

"That's all? Just because you both have Shiro in your name and white hair?"

"Does there have to be another reason?" Ukitake asked.

"I guess not. Eleventh Question. Is white your natural hair colour?"

"No. It used to be black, but then I had a really bad tuberculosis attack when I was younger and it turned white."

"Oh. That's too bad. Are you feeling alright today?"

"Yeah, I'm feeling much better than I usually do." Ukitake replied optimistically.

"That's good! Twelfth Question. Do Kiyone and Sentaro drive you insane?"

"Sometimes, but it's actually really touching how they argue over me all the time. Really annoying, but sweet." Ukitake replied.

"I bet it's annoying. I'm not sure how you stand it!"

"I keep on reminding myself how lucky I am to have two devoted third seats. It helps that they run the squad when I'm sick."

"I guess but, I still wouldn't be able to do it," Seru told him. Ukitake shrugged. "Thirteenth Question! How many times has Shunsui been slapped by people other than Nanao?"

"Many," Ukitake told her. "Far too many to count!"

"I thought as much," Seru murmured. "Fourteenth Question! Does he really love Nanao, or is he just flirting for fun?"

"He's genuinely in love with Nanao," Ukitake replied seriously. "He really does love her. Poor Shunsui. If he could be serious once in a while, he might actually get somewhere, but Shunsui thinks that serious and women don't belong in the same sentence."

"Poor Shunsui," Seru agreed. "Fifteenth Question! Does Shunsui own any Nanao plushies?"

"Not that I know of," Ukitake told her. "That would be kind of creepy."

"Trust me, it is."

"You've met somebody with Nanao plushies?" Ukitake asked. "Really?"

"Not Nanao plushies," Seru replied. "Moving along, Sixteenth Question. Do you have any stories about when you were in the academy?"

"None that I want to share," Ukitake replied.

"Oh, come _on_! They'd be funny!"

"On the contrary to what Shunsui may have told you while he was drunk, life at the academy was _not_ that fun."

"Hmph. Spoil sport."

Ukitake gave Seru a warm smile. "Are we finished?" he asked. "I think that I'd like to go take a nap now. Unless there's more?"

"No, that's okay," Seru told him. "The Maneru brothers and I will just go hang out with your third seats. Unless… you'll let us film you while you're sleeping?"

"No, that's creepy."

"Fine. We'll hang out with your third seats." Seru pouted.

"Alright," Ukitake stood up slowly, and gave Seru another one of those smiles that could melt the heart of any woman. "Have fun!"

"I'll try!" Seru grinned back and ran off. Ukitake headed for his quarters.

Seru found Kiyone and Sentaro arguing in the Squad Thirteen Barracks. They were being original this time, and fighting about who was a better third seat, not about who respected Captain Ukitake more.

"Hey!" Seru exclaimed, leaning against the wall next to the arguing pair.

"Hi!" Kiyone said with an excited wave.

"Hello!" Sentaro said, without the excited wave, but with plenty of excitement in his voice. "Tell _her,_" he pointed to Kiyone, "that I am a better third seat than she is!"

"Tell _him_," Kiyone shoved Sentaro aside, "that I am definitely the better third seat!"

"What are you talking about?" Sentaro protested, pushing Kiyone back, "I am certainly a better third seat than you are!"

"You _wish_! I am the better third seat! Absolutely!"

Both turned to Seru. "Tell him/her!"

"You're both wonderful, and Captain Ukitake appreciates you very much," Seru said smoothly, slightly amused.

"But _I'm_ still better!" Sentaro cut in.

"You are _not_! I am!" Kiyone countered.

"Alright," Seru interrupted quickly. "How about you show me around the Squad Thirteen Barracks?" This distracted the two third seats, and Seru spent the rest of the afternoon with the two of them, engaged in a _very_ thorough tour of the Squad Thirteen Barracks. Kiyone and Sentaro argued the whole time, but that was to be expected. After all, Kiyone and Sentaro were in the same room the whole time.

"Ugh," Seru muttered, dropping into the chair in front of the screens. "Those are two _very_ hyper third seats."

"You met Kiyone and Sentaro then?" Ikkaku asked, leaning against the back of her chair.

"Yep. I didn't know that a person could have that much energy! And there were two of them!"

"Yes. Their energy and arguments are so unbeautiful." Yumichika drawled.

"I must agree with you there," Seru muttered. "Anyways… what secrets are you hiding Ukitake?"

"Yeah, what secrets? What secrets?" Yachiru chanted. The screens flickered on, and Seru's mouth dropped open.

"He really is in love with her after all," she said, amazed. "Wow. It's like Soi Fon all over again."

"Except without the sheets, plushies, curtains and blankets." Ikkaku added. "Really, all that he's got is posters of her everywhere."

"Still very obsessive," Seru said. "I don't have posters of the people I love all over my room. That would be _a lot_ of Byakuya posters!"

"Oh come on! That guy is a frickin' icebox!"

"A _hot_, icebox. Did that make sense?"

"No."

"Oh well. He's still hot. Really hot. Really, really hot. Really, really, really hot. Really, really, really, really hot. Really, really, really-"

"Stop it!" Ikkaku interrupted. "You're _really_ annoying."

"Really, really hot. Really, really, really, really, really, really hot. Really, really, really, really, really, really hot." Seru continued happily.

"I told you to stop it!" Ikkaku yelled.

"Oh shut it baldy. You're just jealous."

"Don't call me baldy!" Ikkaku tried to attack Seru but Yumichika and Yachiru held him back. Or, correction, Yumichika held him back and Yachiru bit his head.

"Something tells me that Ukitake is going to be just as boring as Shunsui," Yumichika commented off handedly, ignoring Ikkaku and Yachiru, who were running around, the latter still attached to Ikkaku's head.

"Oh well." Seru replied. "Ukitake's really, really hot too." Ukitake, who was just walking into his room at that moment, sneezed. "Really, really, really hot," Seru continued, grinning. Ukitake sneezed again. "Really, really, really, really hot." Ukitake sneezed, and Ikkaku rounded on Seru. He had managed to prise Yachiru off of his head.

"Stop or I'll _kill_ you!" he growled, his face contorting into a scowl.

"Ooh, scary pinball!" Seru taunted.

Yumichika grabbed Ikkaku. "One of these times I might let him beat you up," he informed Seru. "You deserve it."

"Yeah, yeah," she waved a hand at him. "Whatever." There was silence for a bit. "You know, I think Yumichika might be right," Seru said. She had been intently watching Ukitake sleep for the past half-hour. "Ukitake promises to be just as boring as Shunsui."

"Let's go out for supper again!" Yachiru exclaimed.

"You can go," Seru told them. "I'm going to stay here and watch him sleep."

"You are really creepy," Ikkaku informed Seru.

"Oh well," Seru replied.

"Let's go," Yachiru tugged on Yumichika's robes. "This is _boring_!"

"You can say that again," Ikkaku muttered. "We're leaving," he told Seru. "Have fun."

"I will!" she promised. The three Eleventh Squad members left the room. "You can go too," Seru told the Maneru brothers.

"Thank you ma'am," they replied with a bow. Seru just nodded, and made herself comfortable watching the sleeping figure on the screens in front of her.

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you liked =) <strong>

**Unohana's next! **

**Once again, six people with questions, please! You don't even have to send more than one question- although I'd love it if you did! Oh, and if you send questions, you get a special thanks. How awesome is that? Not very, I know, but send questions anyways. Do it for the next chapter.**


	6. Unohana Retsu

**I'm **_**so**_** sorry that this is so late! Not very many excuses here… I'm just lazy. And I babysit a lot, but mainly I'm lazy =( Sorry!**

**Anyways- laziness aside, it's finally finished! Unohana's really O.O.C… sorry about that too.**

**Thanks to Lali Lali, bleach-otaku, Grey dog and Ablast4 for the questions- you all get virtual cookies! Lots and lots of virtual cookies! For all those who reviewed, you only get one virtual cookie each- send questions this time! And for everybody who didn't review- no virtual cookies for you. Review this time!**

**Happy belated Easter for those who celebrate it- I don't, I just use it as an excuse to get chocolate… Oh well, each to their own.**

**Anyways, if you read all of this, I'm surprised. I was reasonably certain that I'm the only one who reads the author's notes… Thank you for reading it, but you really don't have to. Although if you want to, go right ahead!**

**So… on with the super late story (again my sincerest apologies)!**

**If I owned Bleach… I don't own Bleach. I don't have any creative disclaimers that relate to Unohana or Squad Four. I can't think of anything. That's probably why I don't own Bleach.**

**Oh, and all of Unohana's thoughts are italicized. Because that's where we get the honest answers! =)**

**Warning- implied Yaoi (Man x man) if you don't like it, don't take it that way- or don't think about it. There isn't too much, just hints.**

**Retsu Unohana**

Retsu Unohana, Captain of the Fourth Division, had just finished telling off a few eleventh divisioners who were disrupting the peace of her barracks when somebody yelled her name. Expecting another emergency, she turned, only to see Yachiru running towards her. She was followed at a distance by three others, one woman, and two men. The men were carrying cameras.

"Unohana!" Yachiru called again. She skidded to an abrupt halt in front of the taller woman.

"I don't have anything to eat Yachiru," Unohana said automatically. "I'm sorry." Yachiru pouted a bit, but cheered up right away.

"That's okay!" she replied cheerfully. "I wasn't here for candy anyways." Unohana was slightly surprised by this remark. Yachiru, not here for candy? Was the world ending? "You're the next star of the Seireitei's new T.V show, Hidden Camera!"

"Why is it called Hidden Camera?" Unohana asked. Yachiru's eyes widened a bit. Nobody had thought to question the name of the show yet. She didn't have a good answer ready.

"No reason," she tried, hoping that Unohana wouldn't press the issue. She didn't. "_Anyways,_" Yachiru continued, "Seru, the hostess of the show, and the Maneru brothers, the cameramen, will be following you around all day." Unohana resisted the urge to face-palm. Didn't she have enough to do? "There's also an interview," Yachiru added. "Have fun!" she waved and took off. Apparently not.

"Good morning," Unohana said sweetly, bowing to the three in front of her while mentally forcing herself not to strangle someone. _I heal, not hurt,_ she told herself. _I heal, not hurt._

Seru bounced up to walk beside her. "So, Unohana," she started, grinning brightly. _It's __**Captain**__ Unohana,_ Unohana responded inwardly, but she kept that false, gentle smile pasted on her face anyways. "I heard that you're the nicest captain in the Seireitei! You tie with Captain Ukitake!"

"Really?" Unohana asked in a falsely interested tone.

"But then everybody from Eleventh Division says that you're the scariest!" Seru continued. _You bet,_ Unohana thought triumphantly. _I pown those idiot's asses!_

"So, which is it? Are you super nice, or super scary?" Seru wanted to know. _Super scary. Everybody who says I'm nice has problems!_

"That is a matter of opinion." _Not. I'm just scary!_

"Oh… okay! I think you're super nice!" _You're an idiot! And you have problems! Serious problems!_

"Thank you." Unohana turned into her office, and dropped into a chair with a barely audible sigh. It was the first downtime that she'd had all day.

"So," Seru pulled a chair up and sat across from Unohana, uninvited. "Let's start the interview!" Unohana watched her, her smiling face giving away none of her thoughts- _what is she doing? That's not her chair! Ugh, I hate it when people take chairs without asking! It pisses me off!_ "First question!" Seru began. "Kenpachi or Ukitake?" Unohana blinked, confused.

"Clarify," she asked. _Stop being so damn cryptic!_

"Who do you like better, Kenpachi or Ukitake?" Seru asked. Unohana didn't have to think about it.

"Ukitake." _Kenpachi's a psychopathic creep!_

"Second question. Do you _like_ Ukitake?" Seru leaned forwards in her seat expectantly. _She stole that chair,_ Unohana thought offhandedly.

"We're just friends," she replied. _I wish we were more._

"Do you wish you were more?" Seru asked. _What is this woman, a f***ing mind reader? Seriously what the (fill in swear word(s) of choice here)._

"No. I am fine just being friends with Ukitake." _Like hell I do!_

"Third question! If Ukitake asked you on a date, what would you do?"

"I'd consider it." _I'd be the happiest woman on earth._

"Just consider it. Come _on_! You two make the cutest couple! Don't they Isane?" Seru asked, startling Isane, who had just walked in.

"Don't they what?" she asked shyly, glancing over at her captain for guidance. Seru turned to face her, and Unohana gave Isane a look that said, _be honest. I want your opinion as much as she does._ The two had been captain and vice captain for a long time, and they understood each other. Isane was also one of the few people that Unohana was able to speak to honestly.

"Don't Unohana and Ukitake make a good couple?" Seru asked. Isane gulped.

"Umm… I don't know?" she looked over at Unohana. Seru had also turned so that her back was to Isane. _She has my chair!_ Isane mouthed. Seru turned to face her again.

"Did you say something?" she asked. Behind her Unohana mouthed, _ask her to give it back!_

"N-no ma'am," Isane replied. "I'm just going to, um, speak to Third Seat Yasochika about, uh, something." She turned and fled. _Great, now she's scared off my vice captain, __**and**__ stolen her chair. I hate this woman so much! Dirty rotten chair stealer!_

"Next question." Unohana requested, signature gentle smile still on her face.

"Oh, come _on_! Admit that you and Ukitake would be the cutest couple _ever_!" Something in Unohana's face darkened. It still appeared gentle-ish, but something threatened danger. This was what scared the Eleventh Divisioners.

"Next Question." _Right now. Don't make me take a page from Byakuya's book and go Bankai on you. You won't like my Bankai._

"Right, okay," Seru replied, visibly shaken. "Right… where was I?" she was sweating. Long exposure to overly-persuasive Unohana does that to a person.

"Fourth question," Unohana prompted. _Yeah, that's right. You better be scared!_

"Right. Fourth question. What if you got so angry that you stopped being nice?"

"I wouldn't do that." _Oh yes I would. I'd destroy the person who made me angry, for starters, and then… I think I'd kill all of the Eleventh Squad members, including that freak, Kenpachi. After that, I think I'll destroy the Squad Twelve barracks, and Mayuri, because there is something seriously wrong with that man, and then…_

"Right. Of course not. Fifth question. Why do you smile so much?"

"Because I like smiling." _Because it makes people feel safe while I'm secretly plotting their demise. Well, when I'm not busy thinking about how to treat the next patient. I just realized something. I have no life._

"Sixth question. Could you make a list of all the captains, and what your thoughts are on them, like, love, or hate?"

"That's not a question, that's a request." _Yamamoto, respect, but hate. Soi Fon, like as a friend. Gin, hate. Me, I don't know yet. Aizen- he's a betraying evil bastard! I hate him. Byakuya, respect, and like. He's sensible, and he stays out of my business. He's also respectful, and he doesn't annoy me or get in the way of my work. Komamura. He's a f***ing dog man! And his justice talk is really annoying. Hate. Shunsui. I'm surprised that man hasn't gotten alcohol poisoning yet, and he makes his poor vice captain work far too hard. I like Nanao though. She should be captain. Tosen. Hate. A lot. Hitsugaya. Respect and like- same as Byakuya. Kenpachi. He's a homicidal maniac. Hate. Mayuri. He disgusts me. I hate him. Ukitake. I love him. Enough said._

"Sure, alright, I guess that was. Seventh question. Have you ever sent the injured to twelfth because you don't have enough room?"

"Absolutely not." _Mayuri would just kill them slowly. I hate that creep._

"Eighth question. Do you treat other captains?"

"It depends on how badly injured they are. I treated Byakuya after the Aizen incident, but I didn't treat Komamura when he was stabbed during the Bount infiltration. I did treat Soi Fon during the Bount infiltration though."

"Ninth question. Do you ever use the fact that you are a medical professional as an excuse to get Ukitake to take his shirt off?"

"Definitely not." _All the time. Well, when I've got time, so almost never. Something always comes up. _

"Are you kidding? I would! Tenth question! Do you know why Tosen is blind?"

"He's been blind since birth."

"Oh. I'd feel sorry for him, but he's a betraying bastard!" Seru scowled.

"I'm sure that he has his reasons." _That's the first sensible thing that you've said since I met you!_

"Huh. I still think he's a bastard. Eleventh question. What would you do if Kenpachi tried to kiss you?"

"He wouldn't. I wouldn't let him." _And if he did, I'd kill him, very, very slowly over the course of several pain filled years. And in the mean time, I'd have a restraining order filed against him._

"So you don't like him then? That's too bad. You and Kenpachi also make a very cute couple. Almost as cute as you and Ukitake!"

"Next question."

"Alrighty then. Twelfth question. How long did it take to grow out your hair?"

"A very long time. I can't remember when I started to grow it out."

"Heh, you must be very patient then. I wouldn't be able to do it. I'd lose interest by the fourth month. _Anywho_, Thirteenth question. Do you know about Ukitake's crush on you?"

"I already told you, we're just friends." _Please continue, please continue, please continue! I want to know more!_

"No, he has a major crush on you. I've heard stories that he has posters of you in his room."

"I highly doubt that." _Really? That's so sweet!_

"Oh well. I bet anything that it's true."

"I don't bet." _Usually. There was that one time with Isane…_

"Figures. Fourteenth question. Do you ever wear your hair down?"

"No." _Never._

"If Ukitake asked you to would you?"

"No." _Yes, definitely._

Seru sighed. "You two have serious problems. Can't you see what a great couple you'd be?"

"We're just friends." _We would be a great couple, wouldn't we?_

"Fine. Be that way. Fifteenth question. Would you be surprised if Ukitake attempted to form a white hair club with Hitsugaya?

"…?" Unohana stared at her. _What the hell?_

"Don't be. He probably will." Seru told her, noticing the startled look on her usually serene face. Unohana didn't say anything. She was distantly wondering whether she'd have to treat Ukitake for frostbite after this or not. She probably would. "Sixteenth question," Seru continued. "Do you ever take your zanpaku-to for joy rides?"

"Occasionally," Unohana answered honestly. Since this hadn't happened often in the interview, she felt proud of herself. "Only when I don't want to walk."

"That is so awesome! I want one! I don't suppose there's a zanpaku-to catalogue?"

"No, sorry." Unohana replied.

"Damn. That sucks."

"I'm happy with what I have."

"I guess. Moving on, Seventeenth question! Is Isane's height ever a problem?"

"No. She thinks it is, but she's just fine the way she is."

"Aww, that's sweet! Eighteenth question! Why is everyone so scared of you?"

"No clue." _Because I'm super scary, dammit! I'm the scariest captain in the Seireitei!_

"Nine-"

"Captain Unohana!" an unseated officer burst into the office. "I'm sorry to interrupt you but it's an emergency!" Unohana stood with a sigh. _What now…? Why am I even wondering? It's some eleventh division members who nearly killed each other again._ "Two Eleventh division members nearly killed each other again!" the man continued, confirming Unohana's suspicions.

"I'm coming," she told him, following him out of the office. Seru followed her.

"I'm sorry, but you can't come with me," Unohana told her.

"That's okay, I only have one more question." Seru told her. "Will you be my friend?"

"Sure," Unohana replied distractedly. _Not a chance. You annoy me._

Seru watched Unohana walk away. "What an honest woman," she commented to the Maneru brothers. "And she's so nice too!"

Seru hadn't been able to catch up with Unohana for the rest of the day- the woman was too busy doing surgery on the two Eleventh Divisioners who had nearly killed each other. Instead, she spent the rest of the day wandering around the Fourth Division barracks and striking up conversation with random people. During that time she learnt that most of the Squad Four members greatly respected their captain, and some even went so far as to proclaim her the 'Best Captain in the Seireitei'. Seru just hoped that Kiyone and Sentaro didn't hear that. Ever.

When she finally wandered into the secret room in the Eleventh Division Barracks, she found Ikkaku, Yumichika and Yachiru already waiting for her. Yachiru was hungrily eating her way through a bag of candy, and Ikkaku was rubbing bite marks on his head. Seru guessed that Yumichika had had to bribe Yachiru to get off of Ikkaku's head again.

"So you survived," Ikkaku said dryly. "Honestly, that woman's a _monster_." Ikkaku obviously shared the opinion of most of the other Eleventh Divisioners.

"Actually, I didn't think that she was that bad. She seemed nice, and she was pretty honest!"

"A common disillusion," Yumichika told her.

"I like her," Yachiru commented, looking up from her candy. "You're just pussies!"

"I dare you to say that again," Ikkaku warned, his hand going for his sword. Yumichika grabbed the man's arms, restraining him.

"Hey, calm down," he told him, keeping a firm grip on Ikkaku's arms. Seru looked in between the two men. Was there something more than friendship going on between the two of them, or was she just imagining things?

"Look," Ikkaku said through gritted teeth. Yumichika still hadn't let go of him, and he wasn't forcing him to. "When we turn on those cameras, it'll prove that she's a monster!"

"Maybe," Seru told him, "but then again, maybe not." She turned on the screens, and they all watched as they flickered on.

At first glance it seemed like a perfectly normal- if overly clean room. It did at second glance too, and third, and, if you weren't overly observant, at fourth glance too. But then they started taking in the details, like the Hate List on the wall, and the collection of voodoo dolls lined up on the dresser. Each voodoo doll had pins stuck in it. Some- namely Mayuri, Kenpachi, Tosen, Gin, and several nameless Eleventh Division members, had their heads cut off and lane down carefully beside the body. Obviously the voodoo dolls didn't work, because if they had, most of the members of the Thirteen Court Guard Companies would be either dead or seriously injured. Unohana needed to team up with Szayel. They obviously had the same goal in mind, and Szayel had the power to do it discreetly.

"See," Ikkaku said, sometime after a moment of stunned silence. "She's a monster."

"That is a lot of people to hate," Seru commented. "She shouldn't live with all that anger pent up inside of her like that.

"I don't think she does," Ikkaku replied, gesturing vaguely towards the voodoo dolls.

"All that is so unbeautiful," Yumichika said with his usual drama. "Whose idea was it to put up a hate list? Why couldn't she put up a 'Beautiful People List' and have me at the top."

Ikkaku rolled his eyes. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because she doesn't think you're beautiful?"

"That's impossible. Only the chronically ugly wouldn't allow themselves to think about the fact that I'm beautiful. Unohana isn't one of the chronically ugly. Not like that Ganju guy."

"Besides, a 'Beautiful People List' wouldn't do her any good," Seru commented. "I think she does this to vent her anger. Since she heals people, she has no other way to do it."

"Maybe you have a point," Ikkaku admitted.

They watched the screens in silence for a while. Finally, after what seemed like years, but was really only about fifteen minutes, the door opened, and Unohana walked in. She slammed the door shut, obviously in a bad mood, and picked up a pen from the dresser. Her usually gentle, calm face was gone, replaced by an angry scowl. She stomped over to the hate list, and wrote on single name on it.

_Komara Seru._

"She hates you Seru!" Ikkaku exclaimed triumphantly. "Sucks to be you!"

"She hates you too," Seru pointed out. Indeed, Ikkaku's name was near the top of the list.

"Yeah, but I already knew that. You're the one who wants to be friends with her!"

"So! She agreed to be my friend!"

"Obviously not. You're on her 'Hate List'!"

"Quit fighting!" Yachiru demanded, hitting both of them over the head with tiny fists.

"Yes. Arguing is _so_ unbeautiful." Yumichika agreed.

"You think _everything_ is unbeautiful!" Seru countered.

"No. I am not unbeautiful!"

"Oh shut it."

Surprising everybody in the room, Yumichika shut it. But that was only because something was happening in the room.

Unohana had turned on the radio, and now was doing some kind of crazy dance.

"Shit…" Ikkaku muttered.

"That is the worst dancing I have ever seen in my life. It can't get any worse." Seru muttered, wincing.

"My eyes are burning!" Yumichika exclaimed dramatically.

"Eww…" Yachiru grimaced, and then immediately forgot about it when she noticed that Seru had candy. It was like a train wreck. They all wanted to look away, and yet they couldn't. And then, against all logic, it got worse. Unohana started to sing. Chaos broke out.

Yachiru began to run in circles with her hands over her ears, whimpering.

"Cut my ears off!" Ikkaku yelled. "Somebody _please cut my ears off!_" Nobody did. They couldn't hear him over the screeching sounds currently coming from Unohana's mouth.

The Maneru brothers ran out of the room, slamming the door behind them.

Seru soon was following both Ikkaku and Yachiru's examples. She ran around the room in circles with her hands over her ears screaming "Kill me now! Please!" and "My ears are bleeding! Make her _stop!_" Her ears really were bleeding.

Yumichika ran to the screens, and after a bit of fumbling where he couldn't remember which switch turned them off, finally succeeded. A welcome silence fell through the room.

"Ow," Seru whimpered. "My ears are bleeding- they're f***ing bleeding!"

"How does nobody outside of the room hear that?" Ikkaku wanted to know.

"Maybe that's what causes Isane's nightmares!" Seru suggested. "I know that it's going to be in _my_ nightmares."

"Or maybe her room is soundproof."

"It's got to be pretty damn soundproof for nobody to hear _that_." Ikkaku said.

"Owie," Yachiru whined. "Ow, owie!"

Everybody gave the screens suspicious looks.

"Should we turn them back on?" Ikkaku asked. There was a pause.

"No!" Everybody, including Ikkaku, chorused. "Never!"

"Let's just leave it alone, yes?" Seru suggested.

"I've got some work to do," Yumichika said. "I'm going to go finish it." He left quickly, just in case somebody decided to turn back on the screens- against everybody's better judgement.

"I'm gonna go see Kenny!" Yachiru said, leaving too. Ikkaku and Seru looked at each other.

"I'm not sticking around!" Ikkaku said quickly!

"Sure as hell I'm not either." Seru agreed. "I've got to go find the Maneru brothers. Who knows where they've got to?"

Both of them left, and as Seru locked the door she promised to herself that she would never, _ever_ make Unohana angry. The woman might sing to her- which would be worse than all of the other tortures in the world. Her ears _still_ hurt.

… **I didn't know Unohana had such words in her vocabulary. I wonder what would happen if she broke one day and went psychopathic maniac on everyone… Funny! Or, even better, if she and Byakuya both broke and teamed up to go psychopathic maniac on everyone. I wanna see that! Tite Kubo, add that to Bleach! **_**Please**_**! I'll give you virtual cookies!**

**The Kurotsuchis are next! Both Nemu and Mayuri are going together- since they're usually always together anyways. Send questions! You'll get unlimited virtual cookies =)**

**Review, or I'll get Unohana to come and sing and dance for **_**you**_**! (No, I'm kidding, I'm not **_**that**_** mean). But review anyways!**

**Once again, I'm sorry this was so late! I'll try to do better with the next chapter!**


	7. The Kurotsuchis

**I know this took **_**forever**_** and I'm **_**so**_** sorry!**

**Unfortunately, updates will probably be like this until summer break- teachers are just piling on homework, and finals are coming up…**

**Anyhow, it's finally here!**

**Thanks to all reviewers. Virtual cookies, and cupcakes (as an apology present) for all of you. For Grey dog, bleach-otaku, Ablast4 and Silver-Wolf-Gurl, you get virtual cookies, cupcakes, and ice cream! Want virtual ice cream, cookies and cupcakes? Send questions next time =)**

**Oh, this had Nemu x Uryu in it, just as a warning for anybody who doesn't like it… although how can you not? Is there an abbreviation for that? If there is could somebody please tell me? I'd like to know.**

**Btw, Star Trek The Original Series references. =) I'm a Spock Fangirl… you have been warned.**

When Seru and the Maneru brothers walked into the Squad Twelve Barracks they were met with a flurry of activity by the members of Squad Twelve- none of which looked human. The only normal looking one among them was Nemu, and she wasn't even human! She was created by one of Mayuri's experiments, and yet looked perfectly normal. Beautiful even. And while all of the other members of Squad Eleven were interesting, none of them could be called beautiful. It was, Seru thought, quite unfair.

Nemu greeted them gracefully, with a small bow, and Seru wondered whether Mayuri purposefully made his Vice Captain wear such a short skirt. She did have the legs for it, Seru noticed with a twinge of jealousy.

"Welcome," she said in her shy, quiet voice. "Master is waiting for you." It was like an extremely corny vampire movie, except Nemu wasn't a hunch-backed butler with rotten teeth. And it really was a shame too. At least if she had been a bit uglier, Seru might have felt a bit better about herself.

Seru and the Maneru brothers followed Nemu through the Squad Twelve Barracks to where Mayuri was waiting in his private research room, staring at the computer. He didn't even glance up when they walked in.

"I brought them Master," Nemu said softly. Mayuri looked up, frowning- or as much as his clown-like face could frown. Seru suppressed a shudder. She _hated_ clowns.

"Right!" she said preppily, trying to hide her disgust. "Should we get started then?"

Mayuri sighed. "If we really must. I do have work to do you know. Oh, that reminds me! Would you like to be a research subject? I promise prime conditions for a girl like you! I'll only examine you for eighteen hours each day, and limit the number of needles a day to only ten!" he asked with a creepy grin. The worst part was that Mayuri actually seemed to think that he was offering a good deal.

"No thank you." Seru replied. "Anyways. First question. Oh, and this is for both of you. Do you play any sci-fi games?"

"Do they involve dissecting people slowly while they're still alive, examining every single section of their body, and sticking them full of foreign liquids to see how their bodies react?" Mayuri asked.

"No. They don't."

"Then no, we haven't." Nemu nodded from where she stood slightly behind Mayuri.

"Right…" Seru was beginning to think that the whole thing was a big mistake. "Second question. Also for both of you. Do you have a romantic relationship?"

"No. Definitely not. Nemu is my default test subject. Not as good as humans of course, but I take what I can get."

"Third Question. _Nemu_, do you have any love interests?" Seru stressed Nemu's name, hoping that both father and daughter would get the point.

"No. I do not have feelings, therefore I cannot love anybody." Seru winced.

"You just broke Uryu's heart. Poor boy." She turned to Mayuri. "Maybe you should fix that."

"Why would I do that? Nemu doesn't need emotions."

"I dunno, something to do?" Seru tried, and hurried on before Mayuri could reply to that. "Fourth question. Mayuri, did you always look like that?"

"No. I used to look human, but I experimented on myself, changing my appearance. Besides, I find this look more appealing. Don't you?" Mayuri looked at Seru with his head tilted to the side and a creepy grin pasted on his face.

"Sure…" Seru trailed off, scared. "Whatever you say. Fifth question. Nemu, do you seriously have no emotions, or do you just suppress them?"

"I was not made with emotions," Nemu replied.

"That's not what I asked- whatever…" With a sigh, Seru turned back to Mayuri. "Sixth question. Who do you hate more, Kenpachi or Unohana?"

"I do not like either of them, but I do not hate one more than the other. They are both ignorant nuisances who have no idea what true science is like. I would like to experiment on Kenpachi's body however, and see what makes him so strong…"

"That's reasonable, I guess… Seventh question. Nemu, will you ever leave your father and live somewhere else, or work in another division?"

"No. I will never do such a thing."

"Eighth question. Mayuri, have you ever had a girlfriend? Or boyfriend? It doesn't really matter which."

"No, I have never had either. I have devoted my whole life to experimentation."

"You know, you're starting to sound like Tosen, except with experimentation and science instead of justice." Seru commented.

"Do not compare me to that ignorant swine." Mayuri told Seru. "I am much better than he is."

"As you say. Ninth question. Nemu, can you get pregnant?"

"No. I was not made with the necessary organs. If it were necessary, Master Mayuri could equip me with them."

"Well that's handy. Saves the mess of birth control," Seru muttered. Nemu stared at her.

"I do not understand."

Seru waved her off. "Never mind. It's not important. Tenth question. Mayuri, why do you feel the need to put a self-destruct option on everything?"  
>"I don't want anybody to steal my secrets. Besides, I don't want anything that I control to be used against me."<p>

"Of course you don't." Seru sighed. Mayuri gave her a look.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked. Seru gulped.

"N-nothing," she squeaked. "Eleventh question. Nemu, do you have a zanpaku-to?"

"No. I have no need of one."

"Alrighty then. Twelfth question. Mayuri, why do you have blue hair?"

"Because once, when I was younger, an experiment went wrong and exploded. It dyed my hair blue."

"Thirteenth question. Nemu, why did you give Uryu the antidote to the poison? Was it really just because he didn't take Mayuri's life?"

"Yes. That was the only reason. What other reason would there be?"

"I don't know, because you care about him?" Seru said. "You must have _some_ sort of emotion." Then she stopped and realized something. "Mayuri, would you mind leaving the room for a second? I want to ask Nemu some questions about the SWA."

"Why can't I be here?" Mayuri asked suspiciously.

"Because you're not a member of the SWA. Nanao will be pissed if you listen in. She might even take her glasses off, she'll get so angry." Mayuri left quickly.

"So," Seru turned to look at Nemu. "You really do like him, don't you?"

"I was not made to have emotions or feelings."

"Don't lie. Every girl has both, made or not. Come on, I won't tell!"

"This is all on camera." _Smart girl,_ Seru thought. She turned to look at the Maneru brothers.

"Turn the cameras off." They complied. "Alright," Seru turned back to Nemu. "Spill. You like him don't you?"

"Well…" Nemu appeared to think about the question. "I feel odd in my stomach whenever he's near me," she confessed.

"Knew it," Seru murmured.

"And I would like to spend more time with him…" Nemu continued. Seru nodded. "Does that mean I like him?"

"Yep. You've got a crush on Uryu! Aww! You two make _such_ a cute couple!" Seru glanced around. "While Mayuri's out of the room, I'd like to ask you a few more questions- off tape. Is that okay?"

"Yes, that is fine." Nemu sounded like an automated machine. A very pretty automated machine.

"Would you ever consider going on a date with Uryu?"

"I do not understand," Nemu sounded confused. "A date is the day, month, and year that we are currently on. You can't go _on_ a date, it is physically impossible as a date is not a physical thing."

"No, no, not a date like that," Seru tried to explain. "A date as in… going somewhere with somebody that you like. You know, like going out to the movies or something with Uryu."

"I do not know. I would like to be near him."

"Well there you go then." Seru said. She went to the door. "Mayuri, you can come back in now," she told the scientist, who was sulking in the corridor. He regained his seat with as much dignity possible, and Seru could see that he was struggling with being scared off by the threat of the eighth division's female vice captain. Poor Mayuri.

"You can turn the cameras back on," Seru told the Maneru brothers. Mayuri didn't ask why they were off in the first place. It was a smart decision.

"Alright," Seru continued. "Fourteenth question. Mayuri, what do you think about Kisuke Urahara?"

"He was a good captain of the Twelfth Division," Mayuri began, "but he wasn't nearly as good as I am. He also left behind all of this wonderful science equipment, so obviously he wasn't very dedicated to his work."

"Last question. What do your experiments usually involve?"

"Anything, everything. I like experimenting on the body the most though," Mayuri's eyes went wide and crazy as he spoke. "Would you like to be a test subject? I'd give you-"

"No. Thank you." Seru told him firmly.

"Such a shame." Mayuri sighed.

"Right… anyways, we will be going now, to look at the rest of the Twelfth Division. Bye!" Seru exited quickly, followed by the Maneru brothers.

When Seru and the Maneru brothers reached the secret room, Yachiru was already there, but Yumichika and Ikkaku were still missing. They walked in five minutes later, talking quietly. They stopped when they noticed Yachiru, Seru, and the Maneru brothers. Seru was curious, but she didn't ask. Silently, she turned on the screens, and watched as Mayuri and Nemu appeared on them.

"But Master," Nemu was saying. "It is my turn to choose, and I want to watch The Return of the Archons!"

"Silence Nemu! I choose, or do you want me to have to punish you again? We are watching The Naked Time. That is final!"

"But, Mr. Spock is in a suit in The Return of the Archons! I want to see him in a suit!"

"The Naked Time is funny. I want to watch funny!"

"But Mr. Spock-"

"Oh for goodness sake Nemu! Spock _cries_ in The Naked Time. Don't you remember?"

"I do. That scene makes me sad."

"Well we're watching The Naked Time. We can watch The Return of the Archons tomorrow."

"But you said that yesterday!"

"Too bad."

Nemu sighed, admitting defeat.

"Now go get the episode from Hiyosu."

"Yes master." Nemu walked out of the room.

"What are they talking about?" Ikkaku wanted to know.

"I don't know," Seru replied. Nobody else knew either.

Nemu walked back into the room carrying a box. The box read,

STAR TREK

THE ORIGINAL SERIES

SEASON ONE

On the box it had a picture of a large space ship, some sort of symbol, and a line of men, each wearing a uniform. There were three different colours of uniforms, browny yellow, red and blue. Both Mayuri and Nemu were looking at the box reverently.

"How about this," Mayuri suggested as Nemu handed him the box. "We'll watch The Naked Time first, and then if we still have time, we'll watch The Return of the Archons. Nemu brightened up at the suggestion.

With Seru, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Yachiru and the Maneru brothers watching on, Nemu inserted a disc into the T.V, and both her and Mayuri sat back, and began to watch.

It started with somebody talking about a 'Captain's log' and the 'Starship Enterprise'. People were running around on a ship, and pushing buttons. People were also down in an abandoned icy room. Something happened where a man touched the ice with his bare hand, and then sniffed it. Then, him and another man with pointy ears were taken up onto the ship. Then, a titles screen came on, and the man started talking again.

"Space, the final frontier. These are the voyageur's of the starship Enterprise…." The man went on to talk about exploring strange new worlds, and boldly going where no man has gone before. The episode started, and everybody in the secret room leaned in to see.

Soon they were all laughing at the antics of the men with the strange disease. Seru began to sigh about how hot the man called Spock was. Ikkaku said he looked weird with his pointy ears and odd eyebrows. Seru slapped him.

"I have got to get that," Seru commented once the episode was over. Sourly, Ikkaku rubbed his cheek, and didn't venture a comment. Yumichika and Yachiru agreed with Seru.

"This is awesome!" Seru exclaimed as Mayuri started the next episode, much to Nemu's obvious delight. All six of them leaned back and began to contentedly watch the next episode.

… **Sorry again that it was so late, but school's been hectic… **

**I'm sorry that the Hidden Camera part wasn't very funny, but I couldn't think of anything.**

**If you haven't seen The Return of the Archons, let me tell you, Spock looks damn good in a suit. So does Captain Kirk, actually, but Spock looks better.**

**Yeah, I'm stalking our favourite little Shiro-chan next… so questions, please! Yay Hitsugaya! I'm really excited for this one =)**

**Reviews please?**


	8. Author's Note Not on hiatus please read

**Hey Guys!**

**Yeah, sorry I haven't updated in forever- and this isn't actually an update either, but it's been so _busy_!**

**No, the story is not on hiatus- I am going to finish it, and I am going to update by the end of this weekend come hell or high water...**

**Three exams down, one to go, and I'm basically banging my head against the wall in frustration... Good news is I'm finished the math and science, which were the two that I was most worried about- bad news? Social's next, which requires a _lot_ of studying... trust me.**

_**But,**_** I'm going to set aside the books for a bit and write about Toshiro... so, expect that one soon.**

**I am _really_ sorry that this is taking so long, but school comes first- and since I'm aiming for honours with distinction, I have to study or I'm screwed. School lets out in a week, and after that I'm going camping with no internet, computers or electricity for a week, but after that's all done I'll start updating regularly again...**

**Thanks for being patient with me, and once again I'm sorry that the update is taking so long. I have it all mapped out, I just haven't gotten a chance to write it down yet.**

**So yeah, that's about it. **

**Thanks again**

**Stormy =)**


	9. Hitsugaya Toshiro

**I know I said that I was going to study... But I gave up, threw the textbook back in my bag, decided that I have all weekend, stomped upstairs because studying was making me angry and began to write about my favorite captain ever! Which actually made me feel better... I'll try studying tonight.**

**So, thanks to all you reviewers, and special thinks to Silver-Wolf-Gurl, Ablast4, Dirtyspots, and MJLCoyoteStarrk, who sent questions. Yay! =)**

**Special, special thanks to Ablast4 for the guest appearance, although you didn't know about it until just now... =)**

**Also, I know I forgot to do the disclaimer last time, but I'm too lazy to do two this time... If I owned Bleach there _would_ be a White Hair Club. Is there a White Hair Club? No. Does Stormy own Bleach? No.**

* * *

><p>Hitsugaya Toshiro, definitely the cutest captain the Seireitei, walked purposefully through his squad barracks, heading for the office that he and his Vice Captain Matsumoto shared. As he neared the door he heard voices inside- one was his overenthusiastic Vice Captain, the other was somebody who sounded familiar but he couldn't quite place. With a sigh of frustration the small captain opened the door, frowning. He must have told Matsumoto a thousand times- don't socialize when there's work to be done! Sometimes he felt like he was the adult, even though he still looked like a grade-schooler.<p>

When Hitsugaya saw who was speaking with Matsumoto, he groaned softly. "Not you again,_" _He growled at Seru. "Go away. We have work to do." Seru grinned at him innocently.

"Actually, I can't go away," she informed him. "It's your turn to be interviewed." His turquoise eyes narrowed in anger as he stifled another groan. He really didn't need this.

"I'm busy," he told Seru stiffly, sitting down at his desk and beginning his paperwork. She ignored him and pulled a chair out to the other side of his desk.

"Let's begin then!" she exclaimed brightly. "First question. Can I call you Shiro-kun?"

"No, and I already told you, I'm busy. Go away."

"Alright Shiro-kun," Seru continued, ignoring the white-haired captain. "Second question. Why are you so short?"

"I'm not short!" Hitsugaya began, and Matsumoto instantly put her hands over her ears. Unfortunately for Seru, she didn't notice. "and IT'S CAPTAIN HITSUGAYA!" Seru winced.

"Yeah, you are short Shiro-kun."

"Don't call me that," Toshiro growled angrily.

Once again, Seru pretended not to hear him. "Third question. Are you waiting for a growth spurt?" Hitsugaya glared at her and refused to answer. After making sure that she got the point, he went back to his paperwork, fixedly ignoring the bubbly girl in front of him.

"Fourth question," Seru continued, unperturbed. "Are you upset that you're shorter than Soi Fon?" It was becoming harder and harder to ignore Seru.

"Fifth question. Are you concerned that people view you as short?" It took all of the small captain's strength to keep him from jumping over the desk and strangling the girl in front of him.

"Sixth question. Do you think that the other captain's look down on you?" The height cracks were getting old very fast. The next person who called him short was going to get it, and if it was Seru, all the better.

"Seventh question. Do you have issues with self image? Like not being tall enough to see in the bathroom mirror?" That was it. He was done.

"Shut up and leave me alone!" Hitsugaya shouted. "I'm _trying_ to work!" Seru smiled at him.

"I'll leave you alone when we're finished the interview Shiro-kun." She told him. "But for every question you don't answer, I'm going to add another one on. And I'm going to just sit here and bother you all day… But if you answer…"

"Fine." Hitsugaya growled, wishing that she would just _go away_.

"Eighth question. If Mayuri offered to make you taller would you accept?"

"No," Hitsugaya replied sullenly.

"See, was that so hard?" Toshiro frowned across the desk at Seru, and didn't answer. That one didn't actually count as one of his interview questions- did it?

"Ninth question Shiro-kun," Seru began.

"I already told you, it's Captain Hitsugaya!"

"How many times a day do you have to tell people to call you Captain Hitsugaya?"

"At least ten. Usually more."

"Tenth question," Seru continued. Behind her the door opened and Rukia walked in carrying a stack of paperwork. "On a scale from one to ten, ten being the best, one being the worst, what would you rate Rukia's drawings. Rukia looked at him expectantly. Oh shit. If he was honest and said one, she would beat the crap out of him. But if he lied and said ten, she would go around telling everybody that Captain Hitsugaya liked her drawings so _ha._ Either way he was screwed.

"Five." He decided. It seemed like a safe bet.

"Why five?" Rukia demanded from the doorway.

"Because they're pretty good," he heard Matsumoto snort in the background and just _knew_ that he would never live this down, "but there's always room from improvement."

"So you think you can draw better?" Rukia asked, taking a step towards him. Okay, maybe it wasn't such a safe bet after all.

"No," he admitted honestly. "I doubt that very many people in the Seireitei can." Which was true. Nobody in the Seireitei could draw very well, so it was a safe bet. Rukia seemed to accept this, for which Hitsugaya was grateful. He could keep his whole body intact, and his pride. _Good job_, he told himself.

"Captain Ukitake told me to give these to you," she said, giving him the towering pile of paperwork. Hitsugaya stared at it, before looking up at Matsumoto. "You better get to work," he told her.

"Yes Captain," she replied.

"Smooth," Seru told him once Rukia had left.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Hitsugaya replied calmly.

"Sure… Eleventh question. Who do you like better, Momo or Karin?"

Crap. Why did she have to ask the one question which he definitely couldn't decide the answer to, although he had thought about it a lot. He squirmed uncomfortably in his seat, and glanced over at the Maneru brothers, who were manning the cameras. Oh, this really sucked.

"Well?" Seru asked. She seemed to be enjoying his misery. _Sadist,_ Hitsugaya thought. Matsumoto was also listening, watching Hitsugaya with a look that meant that the second he answered she was going to tell the whole Seireitei. There was no way out. Hitsugaya squirmed again, and then decided to borrow a page from Byakuya's book.

Putting on his coldest, most aloof expression Hitsugaya replied "No answer." He tried to put as much disdain in his voice as he could manage.

"Fine." Seru replied grumpily, and grinned evilly. She had another torturous one for him. "Twelfth question. Do you think you'll go through puberty before Justin Beiber?" (A/N If you don't know who J.B is, I'm going to get Ablast4 to come over there and poke you!)

"…" Hitsugaya stared at Seru. "Who's Justin Beiber?" he asked slowly. There was a sudden blur as Ablast4 ran through the door of the office, poked him hard, jumped out the window and ran away. "What?" he asked, sounding confused. Matsumoto was making a valiant effort not to laugh.

"Here," she told her captain. "I'll show you." She whipped out her soul pager (A/N the cell phone thingy… I think I got the name right), and within seconds had a picture of Justin Beiber on the screen, and the sound of him singing (if it can be called singing) rang out of the speakers. Hitsugaya went pale.

"Ew…" he whispered, suddenly feeling nauseous. Quickly he covered his ears with his hands, and was surprised to realize that they weren't bleeding. "Turn it off!" Matsumoto complied.

"Isn't it _awful_?" Seru asked. Hitsugaya nodded.

"I think I'm scarred for life thanks to you," he informed the two women. Matsumoto laughed. Seru giggled.

"Sorry," she told him. "But you needed to know."

"Thirteenth question. Will you join Ukitake's white hair club?"

"No," Hitsugaya replied.

"Aw, I bet he'll be so disappointed!" she leaned forwards conspiratorially. "I hear that he got Near from Death Note to join."

"Really?" Matsumoto squealed. "How'd he manage that?"

"He offered him another toy robot," Seru replied. "I bet you and Near could be best friends! You're both midget child prodigies!"

"I'm not a midget!" Hitsugaya exclaimed, "and I'm _not_ a kid!" Seru just ignored the outburst.

"He's trying to get Zero from Vampire Knight and Bakura from Yu-Gi-Oh to join, but so far he isn't having too much luck."

"I'm not joining," Hitsugaya informed Seru grumpily. "Are we finished yet?"

"Nope! Fourteenth question. What do you do with all the candy that Ukitake gives you?"

"I give it to Yachiru."

"What, you don't eat it?"

"No."

"You are so unfun!"

"Unfun isn't a word," Hitsugaya told Seru. He was beginning to wonder at her IQ.

"Fifteenth question. Which Captain do you respect the most?"

"Captain Kuchiki."

"Why?"

"He does his paperwork, he's respectful, he doesn't bother me, he doesn't call me short, and he doesn't treat me like a kid even though I'm _not_.

"Sixteenth question. Does Unohana still use that little kid ruler with the dinosaurs to measure you when you go in for checkups?" Hitsugaya scowled.

"I already told you, I'm _not_ a kid!" Matsumoto giggled.

"You keep telling yourself that Shiro-kun."

"That's Captain Hitsugaya to you!"

"Yeah, yeah. Seventeenth question. What's your most embarrassing moment?"

"Next question."

"Aw, come on Shiro-kun!"

"Next. Question."

"You're no fun! Eighteenth question. Do you have a crush on Karin?"

"No, of course I don't!"

"It seems like it. Come on Shiru-kun, fess up."

"Yeah," Matsumoto chimed in. "Everybody knows anyways."

"I don't!"

"Well there's your confession, right there," Matsumoto smirked. Seru nodded her agreement. Hitsugaya glared daggers at both of them.

"Nineteenth question!"

"This had better be the last one," Hitsugaya growled.

"Fine," Seru sighed discontentedly. "Party pooper."

"What did you call me?"

"Nothing. Nineteenth question. Why are you so grumpy?"

"I'm not grumpy. It just seems that way because _some_ people won't leave me alone and pay me the respect I deserve!"

"You are grumpy. Is it time for your afternoon nap?" Seru asked.

Matsumoto looked up at the clock. "No, but it's time for his morning nap." Hitsugaya scowled at both of them. Seru wisely decided to get out while she still could and retreated to the couch, where she and Matsumoto chatted until Hitsugaya called her away to do more paperwork. By the end of the day Hitsugaya wished that he'd never heard of anyone named Seru, and was beginning to consider asking Head Captain Yamamoto for a new Vice Captain. Maybe he could switch with the Eighth Division. Their Vice Captain was amazing. And she didn't talk too much.

Seru and the Maneru brothers were the last ones into the secret room. The door swung open silently to reveal complete and utter chaos. Yachiru was biting Ikkaku's head again, Ikkaku was running around in circles swearing and trying to pull the small girl off and Yumichika had retreated to a corner- probably trying to avoid getting bruised by either Ikkaku's flailing arms, or Yachiru's feet. He looked up tiredly at Seru and the Maneru brothers when they entered.

"They've been at it for the last hour," he informed them crisply.

"A whole hour?" Seru asked, incredulous. "I didn't think that Yachiru had an attention span that could last that long?"

"Neither did I," Yumichika replied, "until now."

"Alright you two, break it up!" Seru called. Her words had no effect.

"If you don't stop I'm going to kick you out and you'll _never_ get to see what Hitsugaya does in his spare time!" This got through to the fighting pair. Yachiru launched herself off of Ikkaku's head and ran over to Seru.

"I wanna see what Hitsu-chan does in his spare time!" she exclaimed. Ikkaku scowled, rubbing his head.

"This is not fair," he muttered ill-temperedly.

"Life isn't fair," Yumichika informed him gently.

"But technically I'm dead," Ikkaku pointed out.

"True," Yumichika agreed. Seru ignored their philosophical conversation and turned on the screens. Ikkaku and Yumichika fell silent, staring.

"Holy shit," Ikkaku began, "he's got a _lot_ of toys."

"He's like Near except not!" Seru exclaimed shrilly. Ikkaku and Yumichika winced and put their hands over their ears. "Look, he's even got a toy robot!"

"And a dice castle!" Yachiru pointed.

"And a blank puzzle!"

"And a toothpick tower!"

"And a train set!"

"That's just creepy," Ikkaku muttered to Yumichika. The other man nodded.

"And so unbeautiful," he agreed.

"Look at all the toy cars!" Seru pointed.

"Wow, Hitsu-chan really likes toy cars," Yachiru agreed. Said white haired midget captain walked into his room and plopped down on the floor. He picked up one of the cars and began to drive it around, making the racecar sounds. He had the car jump over the toy robot and then crawled around, pushing it around an imaginary racetrack.

"And Hitsugaya wins by a landslide!" he exclaimed happily as he crossed the 'finish line'.

"Aww!" Seru exclaimed. "That's so cute!"

Toshiro, apparently bored with his race cars moved on to his robot. He walked it around the room, and up the walls, talking to himself as he did so.

"Cranky, the most powerful robot in the world was going on a quest to save his master," he began cheerfully. "He walked for a very long time. He climbed tall mountains, and swam oceans, searching for his beloved master. Finally, after days of endless travel he arrived at a humongous fortress!" Hitsugaya stopped at his bed. "There was no entrance! The walls were so steep and so high that Cranky couldn't climb them. It was so wide that it would take years to walk around looking for a door. There was only one option. Cranky strapped his jet packs to his feet and soared up _thousands_ of kilometres to the only window on the fortress." Here Toshiro lifted 'Cranky' to the top of the bed. "He broke the bars off of the window and jumped in. He was in a prison cell!" Toshiro put 'Cranky' on the bed next to a cardboard cut-0ut of Bruce Wayne.

"Batman now?" Ikkaku asked, sounding shocked.

"It was his master!" Toshiro exclaimed, oblivious to the people watching. "Cranky went to his master. 'We must get out of here quickly!' he told him. But just then the door burst open," Toshiro knocked down the pillow that was behind Bruce Wayne and the robot, "and in burst the master's enemy, Nemesis, riding on his pet chimera!" Toshiro made a stuffed tiger walk into the 'room'. On its back was a Joker action figure. " 'You shall not escape!' Nemesis exclaimed. Quickly Cranky jumped in front of his master." Toshiro made Cranky jump over Bruce Wayne and stand protectively in front of him. " 'You shall die Nemesis,' Cranky said. 'Is that so?' Nemesis asked, cackling evilly. Cranky raised an arm," Toshiro lifted 'Cranky's' arm to point at the Joker, "and shot a laser at his enemy! Nemesis and his pet chimera flew out of the room!" Toshiro picked up the Joker and the stuffed tiger and threw them across the bed. They hit the wall and fell dejectedly onto Toshiro's Spiderman quilt. "Cranky had saved the day, yet again! His master was safe! They flew back to the lab," Toshiro picked up the Bruce Wayne cut out and his robot and carried them back across the room, "and went back to ensuring the safety of the world!"

"That was adorable," Seru gushed.

"I used to respect that kid?" Ikkaku sounded amazed. "Wow…"

Toshiro dumped Bruce Wayne and Cranky on the floor and began to play with a Spiderman action figure, making it climb up the walls, fly around and basically just save random people.

Eventually he tired of this and began to play with his puzzle, lying on his stomach on the floor. Within ten minutes he was sound asleep, head on the puzzle as though it were a pillow, clutching his Spiderman action figure tightly in one hand.

"Awww," Seru whispered.

"Hitsu-chan's like a little kid!" Yachiru exclaimed gleefully.

Yumichika and Ikkaku shared a look. Neither of them was convinced that somebody who played with toys and talked to himself should be a captain. Of course, that would bring up whether or not somebody who talked to their cat, or somebody who jumped into piles of Yoruichi plushies, or somebody who got drunk on a daily basis, or somebody who had hate lists should be a captain. Really, they were kind of frightened for the future of the Seireitei. It was beginning to seem as though they were the only normal ones.

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah... Thanks again to reviewers, questioners (? does that sound right?) and Ablast4 for poking Toshiro. <strong>

**...**

**...**

**Should I even be thanking you for getting the honor of poking Toshiro? Oh well...**

**Rukia's next, so questions for her please! =) I really appreciate it!**

**... I suppose I should study now. I don't want to, but I really should. *sighs* Only one to go though!**


	10. Rukia Kuchiki

**First off, I'm sorry it's been so long… I'll try to be better!**

**Also, Ablast4 is writing an awesome fanfic about the White Hair Club. You should go check it out- it's really, really good, and really funny.**

**Thank you to Silver-Wolf-Gurl, Aino-Rekishi, Dirty Spots, Ablast4, Crazy Molly and bleach-otaku for the amazing questions! They help so much, and I have so much fun writing the responses in character! Thanks again!**

**And, if there are any characters that you would like to see in Hidden Camera, tell me! I will add them to my list and get to them… eventually. Once I get to the end of the list I'm going to finish the story, and I'm only adding on new characters if somebody asks for them, so feel free to ask! =)**

**Oh yes, and I don't own Bleach. If I did it would suck.**

**Oh, and there's going to be a slightly OOC Yumichika. Sorry.**

* * *

><p>Rukia Kuchiki usually thought of herself as a fairly tolerant person. After all, she put up with Kiyone and Sentaro's arguments every day at work, Renji's annoying attitude when she was out having fun, Byakuya's chilly personality when she stayed at the Kuchiki manor- which was rare- and Kon's general pervertedness when she was in the world of the living. Yes, she had always known that she was as patient as circumstances would allow, and wasn't normally rude to people. Still, she was about ready to hit this 'Seru' woman across the head.<p>

Why did she need an interview? She had work to do, since Ukitake was on sick leave again and Kiyone and Sentaro were too busy arguing to get things done.

"Please," Seru begged. "You sound just like Shiro-chan, and Byakuya! Don't be a spoil-sport."

"Listen," Rukia told the woman as patiently as she was able. "Any other time would be good, but I'm really super busy right now." She glanced down at the stack of paperwork she was carrying, calculating silently. "Although, I suppose I _could_ spare an hour…" Seru grinned.

"Brilliant!" she exclaimed. "Let's go."

Before Rukia realized what was happening, she was seated in a chair with Seru sitting opposite her, and the Maneru brothers positioning the cameras on the two women.

"First question! Where did you learn how to draw?"

"I learnt when I was in the academy! There were all these books on Chappy in the library, and I just sort of copied the style."

"That explains a lot…" Seru muttered. Rukia gave her a look.

"Explains a lot about what?" Rukia asked, sounding murderous.

"Nothing," Seru said hurriedly. "Second question! Do you think Shiro-chan was truthful in his opinion of your drawings?"

"I can't see why he wouldn't be…" Rukia replied. "Although he did look a bit panicky. Do you think he was feeling alright?"

"At that moment in time, maybe not… Third question! Who do you think would make the best couple in the Seireitei?"

"Umm… I have more than one actually…"

"Go ahead," Seru offered, leaning forwards eagerly.

"Well I think that Captain Unohana and Captain Ukitake would be perfect for each other," she began.

"Everybody thinks that they would be perfect for each other," Seru interrupted. "They're the only ones denying it." She paused, thoughtful. "And maybe Kenpachi. I think he's got a crush on her… But other than that, everybody thinks that they would be perfect for each other. Anyways, go on."

"And I'm certain that there's something going on between Yumichika and Ikkaku… At least on Yumichika's side anyways. I'm not sure if Ikkaku is really interested."

"Agreed."

"And Nanao and Captain Kyoraku have something special, even if she doesn't want to admit it."

"They do," Seru smiled, looking as though she were remembering something amusing.

"Shuhei is so in love with Rangiku," Rukia continued, "and can anybody figure out why Renji and Byakuya are _always_ together?" she finished.

"Yes and yes." Seru grinned. "You have wonderful insights!" Rukia grinned back, just as Ukitake walked into the office, talking quietly to Byakuya, who looked the same as always; bored, neat, and extremely handsome. Rukia had to catch her breath. "Fourth question! Do you know who Justin Beiber is?"

"Isn't he that retarded little kid who sings terribly?" (No offence to any J.B fans… Although it _is_ true). Rukia could have sworn that she heard a sigh of disappointment.

"That's the one! Fifth question! Does Ukitake know who Justin Beiber is?"

"I don't think so…" Rukia trailed off.

"Hey, Ukitake," Seru called. Ukitake broke off from his conversation with Byakuya and turned. Byakuya noticed Seru for the first time, and his expression clouded with annoyance.

"Yes?" he asked. Rukia examined her captain carefully. He looked better, but not completely well. Should he be back to work?

"Do you know who Justin Beiber is?"

"Who?" Ukitake asked. There was an exclamation of excitement, and Ablast4 ducked out from under an empty desk, did a ninja leap, ran across the office upside down on the ceiling, dropped to the ground in front of Ukitake, poked him, and then crawled back under the desk.

"Do you Byakuya?" Seru asked. Byakuya frowned slightly, and Rukia noticed with amazement that he was barely able to contain his annoyance around Seru. He shook his head the tiniest bit, and Ablast4 emerged from under the desk again, this time ran along the walls, and stopped in front of Byakuya, went to poke him, and then reconsidered it and pulled an I-phone from a pocket. After searching through it, the I-phone was offered to Ukitake and Byakuya. Seru and Rukia instantly covered their ears. Ukitake followed suit immediately after screeching sounded through the speakers. Byakuya rested his hand on the hilt of his zanpaku-to as though he were barely managing not to draw it and destroy the source of the awful sound. Instead, using self-control more impressive than Rukia's, he turned on his heel and walked out the door.

"Turn it off now!" Seru called. Ablast4 tucked the I-phone back into the pocket it belonged in and disappeared back under the desk. Ukitake sighed.

"I think I made him angry," he murmured.

"What'd you do? Seru asked.

"I asked if I could do something that goes against all of his deepest wishes. It has to be done though…" He sighed. "I'm going to go catch up on paperwork. You girls have fun!"

"Yes captain!" Rukia agreed, before turning back to Seru.

"Sixth question! Ichigo, Renji or Chappy?"

"Chappy!"

"… Okay then. Seventh question! Do you think Renji's tattoos are cool?"

"I've never really thought about it…"

"Think about it now!"

"I don't know… I suppose they're just… Renji."

"Eighth question. Do you have a crush on Ichigo?"

"What? No!" Rukia sputtered, her face slowly turning red.

"Ninth question. Do you have a crush on Renji?"

"No!"

"Tenth question. Do you have a crush on Byakuya?"

"He's my _brother_!"

"Not by blood."

"No! I don't have a crush on Ni-sama!"

"Eleventh question! Do you know any shocking secrets about Byakuya?"

"No! He hardly speaks to me!"

"Twelfth question! Do you think Byakuya's an emotionless scrooge?"

"Of course not!"

"No seriously. Do you?"

"He's not an emotionless scrooge."

"Yeah? What evidence do you have to support that?"

"… Well, it's more of just a feeling really, but I think that Ni-sama's really just not showing what he feels because he has to for the honour of the Kuchiki clan."

"Huh… He's still a scrooge. Thirteenth question! Why are you so Chappy obsessed?"

"Because he's the best thing ever!"

"Uh huh. Fourteenth question! Are you glad that you're taller than Hitsugaya?"

"A bit…" Rukia admitted.

"Fifteenth question! What do you think that Byakuya does at home?"

"… I don't know."

"Take a wild guess."

"Um, maybe he reads or something?"

"Sixteenth question! What do you think that Soi Fon does at home?"

"Something involving Yoruichi."

"Seventeenth question! Same thing for Kyoraku."

"Drinks alcohol."

"Eighteenth question! What about Unohana?"

"Probably something peaceful… like plant flowers or something."

"Nineteenth question! Ukitake?"

"I think he sleeps."

"Twentieth question! Shiro-chan?"

"I dunno… reads or something I guess."

"Twenty-first question! Have you tried Orihime's cooking?"

"Unfortunately yes. I will never, _ever_ do that ever again. _Ever_."

"Twenty-second question! On a scale of 1-10 how pervy is Urahara, ten being the most?"

"Eight point seven."

"Why point seven?"

"Because it's higher than five."

"Twenty-third question!"

"I really need to get back to work."

"This will be the last one, I promise! If Kon had his own gigai, what do you think it would look like?"

"He would be sort of medium height, with black hair streaked with silver, and a creepy beard/moustache combo that looks like it has a life of its own and gives people nightmares. He'd be really, really creepy, like a creepy, pervy math teacher who looks down girls' shirts." (This is actually based off of my creepy pedo math teacher. I'm not even kidding. He looks down girls' shirts and his moustache gives me nightmares. I think it might try to eat me when I'm not looking)!

"That… sounds like Kon!" Seru agreed. "Thank you."

"Your welcome," Rukia replied, returning to her work.

Seru, Ikkaku, Yumichika (who was standing a tad bit closer to Ikkaku than was really necessary) Yachiru and the Maneru brothers all crowded into the secret room at the same time. Ikkaku and Seru had a fight over who got the comfiest chair- Ikkaku won, and Seru took the other one, scowling. Yachiru climbed onto her lap, and the Maneru brothers took their usual posts by the door, and Yumichika looked around.

"How is it, that every time we come in here, I'm already left without a spot?" he asked, sounding annoyed, and Seru couldn't really blame him. He had been dragged back time and time again, both in his work life and his social life. He should be a Vice Captain, instead he was a fifth seat. The eleventh division went drinking and he ended up being the one paying for the drinks, but being too busy keeping everybody from killing each other to actually drink anything. He ended up doing all of the paperwork for the division because nobody else cared enough to do it. And here, he was always the one pulling Yachiru off of Ikkaku, or intervening between Seru and Ikkaku's constant arguments, and he never, ever got a seat. You had to feel a bit sorry for the guy. But there were no chairs, and Seru sure as hell wasn't giving hers up.

Yumichika frowned, and leaned moodily on the back of Ikkaku's chair. The bald man ignored him, and instead turned his attention towards the screens.

"Rukia, right?" he asked. Seru nodded. "Maybe she'll strip!" he exclaimed. Yumichika looked even grumpier.

"You're so lucky Byakuya's not here right now."

"Well I wouldn't say it if Byakuya _were_ here."

"Huh… You've seen Rangiku strip," Seru pointed out. "Isn't that enough? I mean, that woman's boobs are bigger than her head!"

"They're too big," Ikkaku informed her. "I like women where you can actually see their face when you're looking at them, instead of it being blocked out by massive amounts of cleavage.

"So you like flat-chested girls. You hiding something Ikkaku?"

"What would I be hiding?"

"Yeah," Yachiru agreed. "I don't get it!"

"You're too young to get it." Seru told the small girl. Yumichika scowled at the blank screens, ignoring the talk around him. "Careful Yumichika," Seru teased gently. "If you keep on frowning your face will freeze like that." His eye twitched, but other than that he didn't respond.

"I thought scowling was unbeautiful," Ikkaku added, turning around to look at his friend.

"Shut up and just turn on the screens," Yumichika growled. He was acting unbeautifully, but he didn't particularly care anymore. Seru was wise enough not to press him. She turned on the screens. And blinked, surprised.

"I wasn't actually expecting the secret gym," she admitted. "Although the bunnies aren't a _real_ surprise."

"She seriously has a boxing bag. That's… Well actually, hitting an actual person is more fun than hitting a bag!"

"Yeah!" Yachiru agreed.

"Hunh." Yumichika muttered sourly.

"Nothing about how unbeautiful that is?" Seru asked, glancing back at Yumichika. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Fine." He snapped. He wasn't, but they didn't need to know that, not that they'd care, even if they did.

Rukia entered her quarters, looking as though she were deep in thought. They watched as she looked around her room, as though she were trying to decide what to do. Her gaze alighted on the boxing bag, and she walked towards it, grinning. She punched it hard, and it flew off of the hook it was hanging on, and exploded into millions of tiny pieces. Rukia laughed softly.

"Holy shit," Ikkaku said, shocked. "That girl is… well that's… I mean… Shit!" Seru nodded.

"I can see why she's decided not to actually punch a real person," she agreed.

"That's amazing! Why the hell isn't she in eleventh?"

"Byakuya doesn't want her to get hurt," Seru replied. "Didn't you know? She's strong enough to be a seated officer, but he's requested that she not. It's quite sweet, in a weird way."

Next, Rukia gently pulled her sword from its sheath. "Bankai," she murmured and the sword glowed a brilliant white. Seru, Yumichika, Yachiru, Ikkaku and the Maneru brothers all instantly braced themselves for the shock of reitsu that came with one releasing their Bankai, but it never came.

"She must have some sort of reitsu blocker in the walls," Seru muttered, although she seemed awed. The six of them watched silently as Rukia unleashed her Bankai, and then returned her zanpaku-to to its original form, and slid it gently back into its sheath.

"Amazing," Ikkaku said. "She's not even a seated officer, and yet she has Bankai."

Rukia yawned, and their eyes followed her to the next room, where she crawled under the Chappy covers, fully dressed. Ikkaku seemed quite disappointed by that.

"What? She's not going to strip? Why not?" Ikkaku whined. Yumichika pushed himself abruptly off of the back of Ikkaku's chair and stormed out of the room, slamming the door violently behind him. Seru, Ikkaku and Yachiru shared a look.

"What's with him?" Seru asked. Ikkaku shrugged.

"I'm going after him. He's done this before. He got… violent. Very violent." Ikkaku shrugged. "And as much as I love violence, this is not good."

"What'd he do?"

"Yachiru'll tell you," Ikkaku said, disappearing out the door. "Hey, Yumichika! Wait up!" Seru looked over at Yachiru.

"What'd he do?"

Yachiru shrugged. "He drained everybody's reitsu." Seru's jaw dropped.

"Everybody?"

"Yep!"

"You're not serious."

"I am!" Yachiru corrected cheerfully. "Nobody could move around they were so tired, except for a few of the captains, and even they weren't doing much. Captain Tosen even passed out in the street! It was really funny!"

"So if we suddenly can't move, we know who to blame?" Seru asked.

"He won't do it again. Yumi never does anything twice. One time he blew up the barracks. Another time he sent forty-seven people to division four sick bay in the space of a minute- without drawing his sword. Who knows what he might do." Yachiru shrugged.

"How many times does he get angry like this?"

"Not that often. But when he does…" Yachiru shuddered. "And another thing is, when he gets angry, it never has anything to do with people calling him unbeautiful or not. He just sort of… goes boom. And nobody can figure out what makes him mad."

"So he's going to do something drastic."

"Not if baldy gets to him in time," Yachiru said cheerfully. "He can always make Yumi calm down."

"That's weird," Seru muttered. "From what I've seen, Yumichika is the one who usually does the calming down."

"Not when Yumi's the one who's angry." Yachiru shrugged. "I'd wait in here for a bit anyways. Just in case."

"Yeah," Seru agreed, thinking of the stories of Yumichika that she had just heard. "Maybe we should sleep in here tonight. Just in case."

"Like a sleepover?" Yachiru asked excitedly.

"Just like a sleepover." Seru nodded. None of them moved from the small room until morning, when they decided that it was safe to peak out the door.

* * *

><p><strong>I just had a mini heart attack because I thought that word didn't save it, but then I found it in a different document. I'm okay now… That really scared me!<strong>

**Anyways, I hope you liked =)**

**Nanao's next, so questions? Also, don't forget to tell me who you want to be stalked. I'll accept all suggestions! Except for Yumichika, Ikkaku and Yachiru since they already know about it…**

**I'm having a hard time thinking up the OOC Hidden Camera part- which is most of the reason for the time between updates… If anybody has any suggestions, I'll be very grateful! =)**

**I'll try really hard to update sooner this time!**

**Special thank you to Ablast4, who risked getting Senbonzakurad by Byakuya for showing him who J.B is… Thank you!**

**Until I'm back to torture- **_**interview**_** Nanao,**

**- Stormy =)**


	11. Nanao Ise

**Thank you to all reviewers! Special thanks to Abby-Flourite, Draco Libro, Shandar1, bleach-otaku, Dirtyspots, Thunderwolf66, Ablast4, kurakaji and Silver-Wolf-Gurl. Wow. The amount of people actually sending in questions has like... doubled in the last two chapters! Thank you so much!**

**Also, introducing the new OC, Mizuiro! She is basically Ablast4 except she does more than poke people. Tell me what you think!**

**If I owned Bleach NanaoxShunsui would be more canon than it already is. Meaning, I'm looking for the kiss people!**

**So sorry for the long update! *hangs head in shame* I really have no excuse. I'm just really lazy. Forgive me?**

* * *

><p>Nanao wasn't quite sure <em>what<em> she'd done to deserve this. First her role model figure died on her. Then she was saddled with an irresponsible drunkard of a captain, who shoved _all_ of the division's work onto her while he went off and had fun. Said irresponsible drunkard captain also insisted upon flirting with her endlessly, and she wasn't sure whether he meant it, or if he was just having fun at her expense. She wasn't quite sure which was worse. And then, as if it weren't all bad enough already, she was beginning to have… feelings for her captain. Feelings that definitely were _not_ proper in a captain vice-captain relationship. And now, to top it all off, she had _this_ crew standing in front of her.

_This_ crew included Seru- that annoying woman who had gotten Captain Kyoraku drunk, _again_ (not that he needed any help in that matter), and her camera crew, the Maneru brothers. They also had a new addition to the team, as Seru was announcing to the cameras.

"And this, our faithful and oh so patient viewers, (**yes, I'm talking to all you =) Thanks again for waiting**) is Mizuiro, our new question writer and chooser (**awful title, I know, and I'm sorry. I can't think of anything else however. Anybody have any suggestions? Cuz if you don't, we're sticking with QWAC. Yeah I know… Quack**)." Mizuiro was a young woman with light blue hair pulled up in high pigtails, brown eyes, and pale skin. She was also vertically challenged, but since many people in the Seireitei were, (Toshiro, Momo, Rukia… need I go on?) Nanao had long before decided that it was the tall ones who were out of place. "Mizuiro will be accepting and choosing the questions from viewers like you. So that's right, send in your questions to give to your _favourite_ Shinigami!" Nanao just _had_ to interrupt at this point.

"I thought you weren't airing the episodes until it's all done," she pointed out.

"We are in the human world."

"… So they all know about us. Why are we keeping our presence secret then?"

"Only the smart ones know about us."

"Ah…"

"I know. Some humans, mainly the ones who don't know who Hitsugaya Toshiro or Byakuya Kuchiki or Yamamoto are, are really stupid."

"Can I get back to work now?" Nanao asked, thinking, _So… you're human then?_

"Yeesh, what is with you people? Work, work, work, that's all you talk about! Byakuya, Hitsugaya, Mayuri, and now _you_! Come on! Lighten up! Have some fun! Go party with your captain sometime!"

"Unlikely."

"Alright. Please, please, _please_, just answer the questions!"

"If I do will you leave me alone?"

"… Mostly."

Sensing that that was the best she was going to get, Nanao led the way to her desk and sat down. "Ask away," she muttered resignedly.

"First question!" Seru began. _Does every sentence that comes out of her mouth end with an exclamation point?_ Nanao wondered grumpily. She really _did_ have a lot of work to do, and because of Seru, she'd have to work through her lunch break to get everything done by the end of the day. "What's in that book that you carry around all the time?"

Although inside she was screaming, (the book was full of poetry that Shunsui had sent to her) Nanao kept a straight face. She was _so_ glad she'd forgotten her book at home today. If she had been carrying it Seru would have wanted to look inside and then… Nanao didn't want to think about what would happen then. "It's a kido textbook," she told the woman. It wasn't a total lie at least. The cover had been taken from Nanao's old kido textbook. It was just that the content wasn't even close to being about kido.

"Oh…" Seru seemed disappointed. "Well that's boring." Nanao just watched her with cold blue eyes.

"Second question!" Seru exclaimed, getting over her disappointment easily. She looked down at the list of questions in front of her, which were ordered. "This is nice," she commented to Mizuiro. "I used to just pick the questions at random." (**I still just pick the questions at random… They're all good, so… there's no need to have to worry about filtering out the bad ones**) "Anyways," she continued, turning her attention back to Nanao. "Is that book your zanpaku-to?"

"Well since I obviously don't have it with me, was that question _really_ necessary?"

Seru looked hurt. "I thought it was. You never use your zanpaku-to anyways, so it's possible that you just left it at home today."

"No. My zanpaku-to's hidden up my sleeve."

"Along with all of your tricks?" Seru asked, and then burst out laughing. "I am _so_ funny!"

"…?" Nanao stared at the woman having hysterics on the floor, and then looked up at her companions. "Is she _always_ like this?" she asked. The Maneru brothers nodded, Mizuiro shrugged.

"I wouldn't know," she replied. "I haven't been here long. She looked down at Seru. "Do you suppose we ought to call a therapist?"

Nanao nodded. "I think we probably should."

"Don't bother," one of the Maneru brothers said, and then they both blushed when Mizuiro and Nanao stared at them.

"She'll get over it quickly enough," the other continued, since the one who had spoken up first seemed to be unable to continue.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"HAHAHAHA! Along with your tricks! I am _sooooo _funny!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Don't you just _love_ me! HAHAHAHAHA!"

"…?"

"I think we might want to back away slowly, and come back later…" Nanao suggested. Quietly, the four of them left the room.

One very awkward, very silent fifteen minutes in the hall later, Nanao was once again seated at her desk with Seru sitting across from her. Mizuiro was wisely keeping her distance from Seru, and the Maneru brothers were once again as quiet as ever. Not that they'd really been _loud_ before but…

"Third question!" Seru continued, as though nothing had happened. "Is kido your preferred method of fighting?"

"Yes."

"Fourth question! Why?"

"Because I'm not very good at swordplay."

"Fifth question! Coke or Pepsi?"

"… What?"

"Coke or Pepsi? Which do you prefer?"

"I've never had either…"

"You're missing out! Show her Mizuiro!"

For some odd reason that Nanao couldn't figure out, Mizuiro had somehow hidden a can of 'Pepsi' and a can of 'Coke' in her pockets. She had to have defied the rules of physics to do that, and it was beginning to scare Nanao. Clearly this girl had some kind of powerful skill. Why she was hanging around crazy Seru, Nanao had no clue.

"Try them!" Seru urged. Thinking that if she did as Seru asked, the annoying woman would be gone faster, Nanao took a sip of each. "Well?" Seru asked excitedly. "Which did you like better?"

"They tasted the same to me," Nanao replied.

"You're no fun."

"I've heard."

"Sixth question! Do you only carry around that book to hit people?"

"No."

"Why do you carry it around then?"

"Because if I need to reference something, it's right there." _Because Kyoraku's poems make me happy._

"… That's really boring."

"Next question."

"Seventh question! What's your opinion on Squad Four?"

"They're a good squad. I like Captain Unohana, and Isane, and they're always there whenever somebody needs them. They also do a lot of the dirty work, which, in my opinion, is more honourable than fighting all the time."

"Eight question! What's your opinion on Squad Eleven?"

Nanao made a face. "They're mostly uncultured brutes who just like swinging a sword around because they think it makes them better than everybody else. Yachiru's cute though, and Yumichika's alright when you don't catch him in one of his 'I'm so pretty' phases. He also helps out a lot at Squad Four in his spare time, which is cool. Ikkaku's okay too. He looks out for his friends. But the rest of them…" She scowled.

"Ninth question! What do you like in guys?"

"_What_?" Nanao practically yelled it, pushing down the urge to strangle Seru. "What type of question is _that_?" she sputtered. "I refuse to answer it." Leaning back, Nanao crossed her arms. "Next question."

"Aw, come on! It's not _that_ unreasonable!"

"Next question."

"_Please,_" Seru begged. Nanao's fingers twitched, heading for her glasses.

"Next. Question." She sounded murderous, even to her own ears. _Good,_ she thought spitefully. _That'll teach her not to ask _me_ questions like that._ Another, mutinous part of her mind answered the question. _I only like Kyoraku. All the other men can go straight to hell for all _I_ care._

Seru relented. "Fine." She said sulkily. "Tenth question." Nanao noticed the lack of exclamation point and swallowed a smile. Nanao- one. Seru- zero. "Have you ever been… 'intimate' with Kyoraku?"

"I'm not answering any more of these questions!" she declared, standing up and stamping towards the door. Mizuiro dragged her back.

"Humour her. Please." Nanao sat grumpily.

"So… have you?" Seru persisted. Nanao almost got up again, but she figured that she owed Mizuiro that much. After all, she and the Maneru brothers _did_ have to deal with Seru after Nanao had gone back to her normal life. Still, Nanao wasn't answering the question.

"Next question."

"Eleventh question. What's the best cure for hangovers? You must know since you spend so much time with Shunsui."

"I am perfectly content to let him suffer. He, however, seems to think that the best cure for a hangover is more alcohol. That and doing absolutely _nothing_ of value for the division."

"Ouch. Twelfth question!" It seemed that Seru was finished sulking. "Would you trade captains?"

"Maybe. It depends on how lazy Captain Kyoraku's being."

"Thirteenth question! Who would you trade with?"

"I'd say that I'd trade with Rangiku, since Captain Hitsugaya is responsible, and actually does some of the work, but the Eighth Division would go to ruins within a week. I might consider trading with Renji though, he seems responsible enough to look after it. Or Omaeda, because I like Captain Soi Fon. However, the Eighth Division would be ruined then anyways."

"Fourteenth question! In a contest of seriousness between you and Byakuya, who do you think would win?"

"… Why does that really matter?"

"It's interesting. Please answer the question."

"… Byakuya probably would. He _never_ relaxes."

"Neither do you!"

"I do more than he does."

"Uh huh. Fifteenth question! Do you think Yachiru's cute, or just annoying?"

"A bit of both."

"Sixteenth question! Are you ever not so strict?"

"When people start listening to what I say, and do what they're supposed to do, I'll stop being strict."

"So in other words… It's never going to happen?"

"Precisely."

"Seventeenth question! Are you afraid of ghosts?"

"Technically _I _am a ghost. Why would I be afraid of myself?"

"True… Eighteenth question! Are you afraid of Mayuri?"

"No. He's a pussy. All I have to do is glare at him and he nearly pisses his pants. He's scared of all women except for Nemu."

"That's _probably _a good thing," Seru said contemplatively. "Could you imagine how horrible it would be if he actually reproduced?"

Nanao shuddered. "I don't even want to think about how horribly mistreated that child would be."

"… I wasn't thinking about the child's treatment… I was thinking about how monstrous it would be!" Noticing Nanao's scowl, and deciding that she'd better change the subject, _fast_, Seru continued quickly. "Nineteenth question! Where are Kyoraku's favourite nap spots?"

"The roof and the floor in his office mainly."

"Twentieth question. Why is everybody scared when you take off your glasses?"

"Do you really want to find out?" she asked, her fingers once again going for her glasses.

"Yes."

* * *

><p>Shunsui Kyoraku was wandering the hallways, looking for his beautiful Nanao-chan when there was a scream and a crash from her office. Startled into something resembling soberness, Shunsui sprinted to her office, expecting the worst. When he got there however, Nanao was perfectly fine. She was sitting quietly at her desk, doing paper work. A small girl with light blue hair stood staring in between her, and the woman who was currently lying on the ground in a dead faint.<p>

"What happened?" Shunsui asked. "What did do?"

"Only what she asked me to." Nanao answered calmly. "If you have time to ask stupid questions, surely you have enough time to do the paperwork sitting on your desk."

"What did she do?" Shunsui asked the blue haired girl, figuring that was as much an answer as he was going to get from Nanao.

"She took her glasses off." The girl sighed. "I suppose that calls an end to this interview."

"Please." Nanao agreed.

"In her defence, Seru asked for it. Literally," the girl told Shunsui.

One of the Maneru brothers picked Seru up off of the floor, and the four of them left, leaving Shunsui to Nanao's mercy.

"Paperwork captain. I know you can do it."

Shunsui sighed. He really hated paperwork.

* * *

><p>Seru was still not fully recovered from Nanao's glasses-less glare when they met up in the secret room. She was still shaking in fear. Mizuiro and the Maneru brothers had little sympathy for her.<p>

"You did ask for it," Mizuiro pointed out.

"I didn't expect it to be _that bad_!" Seru argued.

"You should've trusted everybody who says that it is," Ikkaku suggested. "If you had, you wouldn't have this problem now.

"I would never do anything as ugly as make Nanao mad," Yumichika agreed snobbishly. He seemed to have recovered from the… incident the day before.

Ikkaku shuddered. "She's almost as scary as Unohana!"

"Equally as scary," Yumichika corrected. "Unohana can be nice… occasionally. Nanao's scary _all the time_!"

"Equally as scary then," Ikkaku agreed.

"If she sings…" Seru began.

"I doubt it. Nanao hardly seems to be the singing type." Mizuiro pointed out.

"Neither did Unohana," Ikkaku said. "And we all found out that she _is_ the singing type in the _worst way possible_."

"Maybe we should just leave this one alone," Seru suggested. There was a murmur of agreement, but Mizuiro ignored them.

"You're all big sissies," she said, turning on the screens. Everybody winced automatically, but nothing happened. "See!" Mizuiro said. "Nothing exploded, nobody died, your eardrums aren't ruptured! She's just sitting there quietly playing… What _is_ she playing? I can't tell."

"Whatever it is, it's on DS," Seru said.

"What's a Dee Ess?" Yachiru asked.

"A hand held gaming system from the human world," Yumichika replied.

"They're actually pretty amusing," Ikkaku added.

"What game is that though?" Mizuiro asked. "Can anybody see?"

Everybody else struggled to see the screen of the DS, but it was a futile effort. So they just began naming off random DS games.

"Legend of Zelda," Seru suggested.

"Which one?" Ikkaku asked.

"Either."

Yachiru had stolen a computer from… somewhere and stashed it in the room. Now she pulled it out and started looking at the DS games.

"Nintendogs!" She suggested.

"… I can't actually see Nanao playing that…"

"Nintendogs two!"

"Did you even hear what I just said?"

"Shut up baldy!"

"What did you just call me?"

"Final Fantasy," Mizuiro suggested quickly, to stop the impending argument.

"… What?"

"Final Fantasy. It wasn't originally a DS game, but there are a few DS versions."

"Oh…"

"Or it could be-" Seru was cut off by an unknowing Nanao, who had just started screaming at the game.

"Die you ugly lizard dragon boss monster thing! Die, die, die, die!

"… What game has an ugly lizard dragon boss monster thing?" Seru asked.

"Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Why the hell aren't you dying you _stupid_ thing!"

"That doesn't die," Seru added, after some thought.

"DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!"

"That's so ugly!"

"I thought you called things unbeautiful…" Seru commented.

"That was _last_ week. It would be ugly to call ugly things by the same name all the time. After all, there are so many different words to describe beauty."

"DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!"

"Like aesthetically pleasing, pretty," Yumichika began.

"You just had to get him going, didn't you?" Ikkaku asked with a sigh.

"DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!"

"… Sorry."

"Gorgeous, stunning, attractive," he continued, ignoring Nanao's screams and Ikkaku and Seru's conversation.

"That's right _bitch_. You have been defeated by the great Nanao Ise!"

"Striking, lovely,"

"I WIN! That's right, who's the best. I am! Not some stupid ugly lizard dragon boss monster thing! No stupid ugly lizard dragon boss monster thing has _ever_ been able to beat me!"

"Good-looking, nice, pleasing to the eye, exquisite,"

"He can go on like this all night!"

"I am starting to see that."

"Hah! After that stupid ugly lizard dragon boss monster thing, _you_, ugly yellow lump in a cloud throwing spiky things, are no match for me!"

"Fine, superb, delicate,"

"Should we just leave?" Mizuiro suggested, eying Yumichika with apprehension.

"Wonderful,"

"He'll just follow us," Yachiru told her.

"We've honestly never found a way to shut him up." Ikkaku sighed. An evil gleam appeared in Mizuiro's eyes.

"I think I have a way," she said, grinning wickedly.

"Die bitch! Die! Die! Die! Yes! You have been defeated!"

"Pleasant, remarka- ow! What was that for!" Yumichika exclaimed as Mizuiro poked him in the ribcage.

"For not knowing who Justin Beiber is."

"But I know who he is! He's the ugliest thing since… ugly! And his singing voice is so ugly!"

"Hey! I killed you! Stay dead dammit!"

"Oh… well in that case, it's for being annoying."

"I wasn't being annoying. I was merely listing off all of the different adjectives used to describe beauty!"

"You were being annoying." Seru said bluntly."

"Oh hey! I can ride in a cloud! Look at me all of you ignorant ugly mushrooms and turtles down there! I can fly in a cloud! Wait no! Don't drop me now Mr. Cloud! I don't wanna die!"

"She uses 'ugly' more than _you_ Yumichika," Ikkaku pointed out.

"I do not play whatever game she is playing," Yumichika told him stiffly. "I wouldn't play a game if everything in it was ugly."

"Well fuck you." Nanao told the game, sounding annoyed. "I'm not playing anymore!" And with that she threw the DS down on the couch, and stamped out of the room. She entered her bedroom. Ikkaku looked as though he were going to start his ordinary chant of 'strip, strip, strip!', looked over at Yumichika, and seemed to think better of it.

Nanao crawled into bed, still muttering about the 'stupid flying clouds with the happy faces that were really, really mean'. Ikkaku, Yumichika, Mizuiro, Seru and Yachiru all shared a look.

"Looks like the show's over!" Seru said.

"Yep." Ikkaku stretched. "I need to hit something," he said, with a cheerfulness that conflicted with his words. "Wanna come spar with me Yumichika?"

"Of course," Yumichika agreed. The two of them left.

"I'm gonna go watch!" Yachiru exclaimed, and followed them out.

"So…" Seru began. "Do you want to see where your bedroom is going to be?"

"Sure," Mizuiro agreed. The two of them left the room. The Maneru brothers followed them, shutting the door quietly behind them.

* * *

><p><strong>Crappy ending, I know... Sorry...<strong>

**Anyways, anybody who guesses what game Nanao was playing gets a prize! I'm not actually sure _what_ the prize is but... You'll get one! And if anybody has any ideas for prizes you can give out while on FanFiction, I'll be happy to take your idea into consideration XD**

**I am currently taking commissions. The rules and stuff are on my profile.**

**Next is the wonderful, Shuhei! He's the guy with 69 on his cheek. I am looking forwards to bugging him about that.**

**Sorry again that it took so long!**


End file.
